Useless Lists

Ten Name Suggestions for Kim and Kanye's Superballin' Baby

By Matt Preira Wed., Mar. 27 2013 at 1:28 PM
Categories: For the Kids, Useless Lists
kimkardashianpregnantlede.jpg
Kim Kardashian is pregnant as fuck!
Say what you will about Kanye West and Kim Kardashian as potential parents: We're positive their baby is going to turn out nothing short of superballin'.

But first things first: These modest lovebirds need a title for the joint masterpiece of their respective careers.

And they probably shouldn't name it "North" like some e-tabloids have been reporting is a possibility.

We can think of at least ten better names for the human being wrought from the loins of these attention hogs (and that in no way refers to Kim's natural pregnancy weight gain, only her personality).

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For the Kids

Iron Maiden's Nicko McBrain Loves When You Tell Him "Your Pulled Pork Is to Die For!"

By David Von Bader Fri., Mar. 1 2013 at 10:31 AM
Categories: For the Kids, Q&A
NickoMcBrain1.jpg
Iron Maiden drummer Nicko McBrain might very well be the nicest guy in heavy metal. The legendary British-born South Florida resident is frequently spotted at local metal concerts, signing autographs and smiling perpetually, taking care of business at his BBQ restaurant, Rock n Roll Ribs in Coral Springs, or participating in philanthropic work in the area. While some artists might sign a check for charity, McBrain prefers to take a more hands on approach to his giving back, and though South Florida boasts more than its fair share of celebrated individuals, McBrain is one that truly enriches the community with his presence. 

This Saturday, McBrain will be hosting and performing at the Classic Rock & Roll Party, a fundraiser for the Homesafe Charity at Hollywood's Seminole Hard Rock Casino. We spoke with McBrain about working with the charity, his passions outside of pounding the drums for one of the most heralded metal groups of all time, and the unfortunate situations that have recently removed heavy metal drumming pioneers Bill Ward and Dave Lombardo from their rightful spots in their respective groups. 

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For the Kids

Trial's Greg Bennick with Hollow Earth - The Talent Farm, Pembroke Pines - January 10

By David Von Bader Thu., Jan. 10 2013 at 8:53 AM
Categories: For the Kids
GregBennick_photo.jpg
Hardcore-punk bands come and go, repeating a familiar cycle of building, imploding, growing up, moving on. In some rare cases, these groups stick around long enough to show the next generation how it's done. 

Tradition, both oral and aural, is a major part of the volatile mixture that fuels the genre -- second only to an innate anger that we all posses, but only some of us are fortunate enough to exorcise in the basements, VFW halls, and dive bars around the world willing, or stupid enough to house a room full of violent adolescents losing their collective minds for a few hours a week. 

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A Compelling Visual

Birdman Serves New Orleans Thanksgiving Turkeys and Mixed Messages on Being a Gangsta

By Matt Preira Wed., Nov. 21 2012 at 8:06 AM
Categories: A Compelling Visual, For the Kids
birdmanthanksigivnglead.jpg
Birdman says, "Don't get trapped!" 
You know it's holiday season when self-professed merciless gangsta playboys are hosting food giveaways. 

See also 

Another indication would be said SPMGPs suddenly taking a turn for the wholesome. 

Young Money/Cash Money founder, CEO, rapper, and local, Bryan "Birdman" Williams, spent the Monday of Thanksgiving week with his brother and business partner, Ronald "Slim" Williams doling out 2000 turkeys to families in New Orleans. 

Williams, AKA Baby, also had some choice words for the youth of today. Specifically that, "violence, drugs and guns are not the answer."

Wait, what?
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Essay This

A Sound Education: In Coral Springs, Students Learn at School of Rock

By Brian Zimmerman Tue., May 8 2012 at 8:33 AM
Categories: Essay This, For the Kids, Local Music, School of Rock
Lesson 1.jpg
In a converted nursery school on Wiles Road, with heavy-metal music blaring behind every door, Andrew Musselman leads me to the classroom where he'll teach his next lesson. He's running late, but that doesn't deter him from giving me the grand tour. As we pass a room with beanbag chairs on the floor, he aims a finger at the Jimi Hendrix poster hanging on the wall. "The student lounge," he explains.

The school where Andrew teaches is unlike any other in Broward County. Here, the students don't read textbooks. They don't take quizzes or read essays either. Instead of desks, they sit behind drum sets, and within every classroom is not a blackboard but an electric guitar begging to be played. It is the School of Rock, a real-life music academy where young musicians from all over Broward County come to be educated in the ways of rock 'n' roll.

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Coral Springs, Education, Local Music, Rock, School of Rock
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Essay This

LMFAO, Ke$ha, and Black Eyed Peas: Raves for Kids

By Liz Tracy Thu., Feb. 16 2012 at 8:51 AM
Categories: Essay This, For the Kids
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L your F-ing what off?
​LMFAO is tacky, fratty, loud, goofy, and stupid. That's not the biggest bad of the dance-party duo. Their worst quality is that they're a group that is tacky, fratty, goofy, and stupid that performs for audiences of babies.

This past year, three concerts in particular exemplified the phenomenon of what we'll call "raves for children." Real raves belong in the '90s. Examples of their modern-day incarnations for underagers are the Ke$ha's "Get $leezy" tour, the Black Eyed Peas -- whose final concert took place at SunLife Stadium -- and these guys, LMFAO, who both opened for Ke$ha and played the recent Y-100 Jingle Ball.

Before launching into this old-fart diatribe, let's preface with a few things: 1. Raves and drum 'n' bass nights were fun 15 years ago; 2. Except for a Gathering of the Juggalos, concerts are almost always awesome; 3. Dancing is the best.

Now back to complaining. 


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Black Eyed Peas, Ke$ha, LMFAO, Raves
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Concert Preview

Cody Simpson Loves Miami; Talks Dubstep, T-Pain, and the Fontainebleau

By Liz Tracy Thu., Feb. 9 2012 at 4:34 PM
Categories: Chatting, Concert Preview, For the Kids
Cody Simpson - NewPub2 - Chris Baldwin.jpg
Chris Baldwin
​Cody Simpson is a teen dream at only 15. He's got the world, and tons of screeching preteens, at his feet. 

The Australian singer and songwriter has a strong connection to the Sunshine State, believe it or not. He's worked with both Flo Rida and T-Pain and, brace yourself, he grew up in Miami Beach. 

"I grew up in the Gold Coast part of Australia. The suburbs I actually grew up in, ironically, it's called Miami Beach," he told us. 

OK, so it's not the stateside Miami Beach, but it's something. 

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Cody Simpson, Flo Rida, Fontainebleau, T-Pain, Y100 Jingle Ball
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For the Kids

Cash Money Records' Entry Into Pop Is Savvy, But Is it Smart?

By Reed Fischer Fri., Aug. 26 2011 at 9:05 AM
Categories: For the Kids
Savvy_Sing_My_Song.jpg
This is the new face of Cash Money Records.
​Plenty of Cash Money Records signees have made a huge pop splash -- a short, incomplete list includes Lil Wayne, Nicki Minaj, Kevin Rudolf, and Drake -- but this has come almost completely from the hip-hop lane. Today, the image of diamond-encrusted Bentleys is getting a makeover for the tweens set as Cash Money has announced the signing of Texas teen group Savvy.

If you thought Young Money was young before, this is a quintet of dancing, twirling Glee-meets-Hannah Montana-style talents who are also stars of a TV show called The Wannabes debuting nationally via Starz Kids & Family in September. And, yeah, that means they've had meetings with Birdman.

Now certainly this is a smart business venture for the Cash Money crew and will likely be a lucrative venture all around. But is it a good fit?

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Birdman, Cash Money, Drake, Lil Wayne, Nicki Minaj, Savvy, The Wannabes, Young Money
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