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Have these guys called you yet?

​Fair warning to my soon-to-be-announced replacement at New Times: if Surfer Blood gets a hold of your phone number, there's a good chance that you'll be on the receiving end of a prank call at some point. In fact, the West Palm Beach foursome are so dedicated to their phone gags, that their Warner Bros. follow-up to Astro Coast could be akin to Built to Spill with the Jerky Boys on guest vocals.

It's my last day working here, so here's a little inside baseball-y story about one of the many absurd phone calls I received from a wild bunch of characters. (We'll save the rasta man for another day.) I realize fully that messing with music scribes in this manner is nothing new. Chuck Eddy got a "a wastebasket of extremely wet water" dumped on him in his sleep by the Beastie Boys in 1987, so I got off pretty lucky.
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​Known sports fanatic and "leader" of the now stitched-together Smashing Pumpkins Billy Corgan has recently undertaken a new endeavor unrelated to music. No, it isn't another clothing line endorsement, but it might be just as good. Corgan has launched a new professional wrestling league labeled "Resistance Pro" (complete with an edgy backward R in the logo).

"We're going to try and bring back to Chicago the glory days," he says in an interview with Fox News.

We understand that any new business venture can prove to be taxing to the mind, so we took it upon ourselves to offer some advice to Billy that pertains to the pro wrestling arena.

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Ding dong, man. Ding dong.

​The king of novelty music, Weird Al Yankovic has had a fruitful and lucrative career, yet very few will claim him as their favorite artist. His parody work is amazingly perfect. In many cases, it's his spoof of the original that launches the song he's ripping on to classic status. "Like a Surgeon," "Girls Just Wanna Have Lunch," "Phony Calls," and all his Jacko-based jams -- anytime Weird Al makes his version of a song, that's when you truly know: That song is an international superhit.

We'll get to see Al perform all his hits and nonhits on October 1, when Comedy Central premieres "Weird Al" Yankovic Live! -- The Alpocalypse Tour. Like his role UHF, our favorite zany underdog will rule the air. Thank you for wising up, Comedy Central -- we're getting tired of groaning at Jeff Dunham and his dorky puppets. We can pretty much guarantee that Alpocalypse will be devoid of redneck jokes or Carlos Mencia-style stolen jokes. What we will get is tons of hilarious music, wholesome ridiculous wackiness and -- in typical Al fashion -- an accordion medley of today's biggest hits.

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Wikipedia.com

Excuse me is this - FLOIVIN HOVIN-LAYYYY-DEEEEEEEEE?!!!

​After 45 gregarious years, Jerry Lewis bowing out of the telethon game is like Michael Jordan leaving the NBA or Steve Carrell leaving The Office or David Lee Roth leaving Van Halen. Sure, the show will go on, and someone will replace him, but his face and supersilly -- sometimes supercilious -- demeanor are synonymous with the show and MDA awareness.

Under Jerry's wing, the telethon has raised about $1.6 billion for the Muscular Dystrophy Associations of America. It's a mammoth undertaking, going on air for up to 21 1/2 hours at a time; we don't know if Jerry takes power naps, B12 shots, or just doesn't sleep at all. We do know that without him, it isn't going to be the same. The man can dart from zany hilarity to dead serious like no other.

In celebration of Légionnaire Lewis' fine work, let's relive ten of the show's finest musical moments.
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Don't throw it in the bag, just toss it in my jacket.

​Now some folks might claim that it's a crime that T-Pain is as famous as he is. But purchasing a drank for a shawty over 21 and penning a subsequent hit single about it is perfectly legal. Misinformation!

This does not mean that Teddy Paindergrass (real name: Faheem Rasheed Najm) has never skirted the law -- and in entertaining fashion, at that. In his new book, Dirty South: OutKast, Lil Wayne, Soulja Boy, and the Southern Rappers Who Reinvented Hip-Hop, intrepid scribe Ben Westhoff managed to coax the hilarious story of how the musician's pal boosted a "whole studio" of recording equipment from a CompUSA location. These illegally procured items were later used to assemble Pain's 2005 breakout album Rappa Ternt Sanga.

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​In reality, Joel McHale is an actor-comedian who spends much of his life poking fun at the career of Ryan Seacrest -- while actually taking on as many projects as the diminutive American Idol host across different media platforms himself. In between razzing Jersey Shore, Kim Kardashian, and more obsure fare like I Love Toy Trains on E!'s The Soup, he cross-promotes his starring role on NBC's college sitcom Community, and is sure to tack on a reminder at the end about his latest stand-up comedy dates around the country (including Saturday at Hard Rock Live in Hollywood).

But imagine if McHale were primarily known for his pop music talents. He certainly isn't afraid to call out Denise Richards for not being able to sing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame," and for good reason. Hidden within a body of comedic work are an assortment of musical chestnuts that prove he's got much more than just Katy Perry's good looks and penchant for "Brite" costuming.

Here are five of the biggest moments Joel McHale's music career.

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Click to enlarge.

​Björk managed to stun her legions of adoring fans today when she posted an image on her official Facebook page (pictured on the right) of a clapper board with the name of her newest single "Crystalline," which will be included on her new full-length album Biophilia, due out later this summer. It also bears director Michel Gondry's name. Next to it lies a red marker with a bundle of tape wrapped around the end and an eraser.
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​Charlie Sheen
BankAtlantic Center, Sunrise
Saturday, April 23, 2011

Better than: Six weeks in rehab.

Charlie Sheen and his band of merry delusions came to South Florida this weekend, leaving in his wake an aura of befuddlement and confusion. He played most of his hits (saying the words Warlock and tiger blood and referencing his own "magical brain" several times), but he also whipped out a few new awkward ditties. Sheen answered questions from an interviewer and from shouting audience members; had his friend, comedian Jeffrey Ross, "roast" him; had Dennis Rodman on stage for a few minutes to make himself seem clearheaded; then thanked the audience and left with their money.

Though the crowd had plenty of disaffected 20- and 30-somethings -- the Facebook generation that leeched onto the spiraling Sheen earlier this year in the middle of his very public meltdown -- it seemed like most of the audience consisted of slightly older Two and a Half Men fans eager to see one of their favorite characters walk out of their television and into reality.
 
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​On a certain level, it's no shock that people who enjoy chasing the fascinating personalities within the hip-hop community would prop up 2 Live Crew's Luke Campbell in his chase for the Miami mayor seat. The guy knows how to generate a sound bite, and he's not afraid to talk about taxing strippers.

One vocal proponent of Luke's run is the esteemed Ben Westhoff, a writer who arrives within our pages occasionally. Via the Los Angeles hip-hop brain trust Passion of the Weiss, Westhoff makes a valid (and hilarious) case for Miami to pull this already famous man's lever, Jesse Ventura-style.

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Should we trust the men that are married to beautiful ladies? Probably.

​The hunky Hanson brothers have obviously doing something right in the romance arena. Each is married to a lovely brunette and have acquired at least one child apiece.

It looks like MTV asked them to give their best romance advice for Valentine's Day and boy did they pull through.

Aside from making a "Hanson-size cardboard cut out" the video after the jump will also tell you what to do with Dolphins.
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