10 Musical Genres and What it Would Be Like if You Were Addicted to Them

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"My name is Robert. And I'm addicted to heavy metal."
Did ya hear the one about the Swede who scored significant skrill (see also: paper, dough, m-m-moolah) for his addiciton to heavy metal?

Back in 2007, Swedish rock 'n' roll mega-enthusiast, Robert Tullgren, was awarded disability benefits by his country's government due to his obsessive-compulsive need to be perpetually listening to, wearing clothing pertaining to, and generally living Heavy Metal 

The supplemental income was intended to offset the wages the headbang-a-holic lost after he was fired for missing work because of his near-psychotic need to attend an excessive number of Heavy Metal concerts.

Recently, the story has been running a few victory laps around the blogosphere, even though Tullgren hasn't received benefits since, like, 2009. Nevertheless, the resurgence of this inspiring tale of human determination in the face of addiction has inspired us to wonder what it would look like if the drug of choice were any of the ten following musical genres.
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Black Locust Society's End of the World SWARM Fundraiser at Green Room, Fort Lauderdale

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We love Black Locust Society. Who else throws a free party as a fundraiser for another free party? Absolutely no one, that's who! 

See also
Help Black Locust Society Raise Funds for the End of the World; Bleubird, Protoman Give You Good Reason

And the impending "end of the world" has given the clique of MCs, DJs, and artists good reason to rally funds. Because we all know that when the world is ready to do whatever wild shit the Mayan calendar has marked off for it, Fort Lauderdale is going to die as it lived: Completely trashed and shaking its collective shit in a decorated warehouse. 

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Die Antwoord Busts a Weird-Ass Groove in Fort Lauderdale on October 23

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Ian Witlen
Die Antwoord
Culture Room, Ft. Lauderdale
October 22, 2012


Better Than: 99.9% of live music events.

Ostensibly, Die Antwoord is weird. As far as you or I can tell -- with our normal (and/or normally-hip) lifestyles -- they are a pair of entertainers that are fucked up, strange and/or wholly personify "the Other." But on a layer one degree deeper -- a subtext that has as much to do with irony as it does LARPing --  the duo has simply mastered Branding in the 2012/hashtag sense of the term.

See also
- PHOTOS: Die Antwoord at Culture Room


And judging from their sold-out show at Culture Room last night, Die Antwoord's meme-ry is being heard loud and clear. Our spacephone told us it was Monday. But everyone in attendance existed outside of iCal as they became increasingly entranced by the fully exposed vulgar true power of the Internet, beamed directly into their consciousness a la Jim Carrey as the Riddler in Batman Forever.
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"Osama bin Laden is Dead" and More Patriotic Anthems for Today

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What's on your soundtrack for defeating Osama bin Laden?
Today, in the media blitz following reports that U.S. forces shot bin Laden dead while raiding a compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan, (also the same day Adolf Hitler's death was announced in 1945) there's a soundtrack developing to accompany the elation currently felt by many Americans. One unifying "song" in the traditional sense -- aside from the "U.S.A." chant that'll spring up in more spots than just Rascal Flatts shows -- is pretty much impossible at this stage of divided social consciousness. But many will try, and the existing patriotic songs will surely get a workout in the coming days.

Not to dismiss past jingoistic efforts of country musicians like Toby Keith and Darryl Worley (Lee Greenwood will make some money today too), but the R&B and hip-hop communities have been one of the most vocal in the ongoing lyrical battle against Osama bin Laden, al Queda, Saddam Hussein, and general terrorist nastiness -- if random people behind Geraldo Rivera, Luther Campbell and Twitter are to be believed. If Michael Jackson were alive, he'd probably take a stab at creating an anthem. Here's betting Akon will. But these efforts could take (gasp) days! What can we listen to now now now?



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Pitchfork Uses Millionyoung to Declare Chillwave Dead

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Chillwave is dead. Long live chillwave.
There's no reason to read too much into Pitchfork's 3.8 rating of Millionyoung's Replicants -- except that there's every reason to read too much into it. The Hipster Runoff-invented chillwave is beyond dead in 2K11, and this perfectly fine album produced here in Florida is the unwitting target of that proclamation.

Occasionally over the course of this 309-word baby of a review does Larry Fitzmaurice actually mention the actual recording he's listening to. We get it, Mike Diaz isn't Luciano Pavarotti, and "aims for the rafters with high-pitched vocal yearning, with a very low success rate." (Worse can be said for the 7.6-worthy Rihanna without some serious Auto-Tune.) Instead, most of what we get here is a very blunt assault on the genre with the assumption that any chillwave artist is also a Pitchfork reader and will immediately throw their tinny keyboards off the balcony in disgust.

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