Steel Panther on Fashion: "Find, Like, Places Where Strippers Buy Their Clothes"

Categories: Boy Crazy

David Jackson

When people talk about "heavy metal," they're really just talking about Steel Panther -- a band so imbued in the form, it may as well have invented it. The band that once crept from the Sunset Strip's gutters like some sort of mutant, spewing sequins, Aqua Net, and glitter with every step has eclipsed even its own legend at this point. Yet it continues to graciously bring the gospel of the '80s shred and shriek to audiences everywhere.

Whether or not Steel Panther is actually cutting satire or authentic heavy metal perfection remains a topic of intense debate on message boards and in suburban parking lots all over the country. We couldn't care less, because we're way too busy partying to Steel Panther records to worry about whether or not they're a joke band.

The band's deft musicianship, poetically wrought lyrics, and uncompromising dedication to showmanship has won them fans across the globe, and they will soon return to South Florida to bring the unique brand of heavy metal party they purvey to the place that parties the hardest.

New Times took a minute away from wiling out to speak with Steel Panther's lead guitarist, Satchel -- a world class riff machine who was kind enough to make some time for our questions about the finer points of soundtracking coitus to metal, finding sick stage clothes in 2014, and David Lee Roth's undeniable spryness.

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Aimee Mann of the '80s: You're My Dream Girl

Categories: Boy Crazy


Today, as I walked through a grocery store deep in the forsaken guts of suburbia, 'Til Tuesday's sole major hit, "Voices Carry," gently wafted down from the speakers dangling off of the exposed girders overhead. A nearly forgotten jam from yesteryear that most listeners gloss over with ease in such context, a brief moment in a playlist intended to pacify the minds of the masses scouring box stores for necessities and diversions. A track most likely thrown in the queue for the sake of nostalgia and a digestibility that won't ruffle the feathers of any particular age group with its dreamy, innocuous textures.

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Say Anything Return to Fort Lauderdale with New Sound

Ian Witlen

Summer crept back into the South Florida air with an unexpected haste this year. Spring -- also known as the luxurious two weeks when the sun bites just a little softer and the air breathes a little easier -- was apparently not in the cards. The constants of summer -- like back sweat Rorschach tests, grilled ears of corn at the Swap Shop, day drinking until you're virtually pickled and roasted at the beach -- have returned. Local drivers breathe a collective sigh of relief as the snowbirds flee the balm and humidity back to the bastions of the Northeast and Quebec at an astounding 40 miles an hour, the entire lot somehow failing to use but a single turn signal the entire way up the coast.

And Say Anything returns with a fresh full-length of angst-riddled hymnals. This, however, is where the expected comforts end, as Max Bemis and company have once again evolved what Say Anything does into something almost virtually unrecognizable from the pop-punk anthems of the early aughts.

See also: Slideshow of Say Anything at Revolution Live, April 24

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Ghost B.C. - Revolution Live, Fort Lauderdale - May 7

Categories: Boy Crazy

Enric Martinez

You know, there was a time when everyone was just so fucking ready to be the rock star next door. There were hordes of would-be Cobains bleeding in metaphors on stage, clothed in a tattered cardigans and bits of angst.

But as the trends of the '90s continue to creep back into the stylistic and musical vernaculars of today's youth like gum stuck to the bottom of a Doc Marten on hot summer's day, the time is truly ripe for some God-damned theatrics in rock 'n' roll.

Enter Ghost B.C. -- Sweden's gift to the droves of heathen metal fans currently fed-the-fuck-up with the daily force feedings of Christian dogma we endure in everything from big government to bumper stickers.

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Top Five Sexiest Bodies of Mr. LaBare 2014

Categories: Boy Crazy

Michele Eve

Last night, all-male strip club, LaBare, was packed with overly enthusiastic ladies, flying dollar bills, and such toned butt cheeks.

No, it wasn't a Mykki Blanco-gone-mainstream music video, but rather a charity event at Fort Lauderdale's famous hotspot for horny gals and their gay friends (men are allowed in the club only if they buy a bottle and are escorted by a lady). When we saw Glam-A-THON -- a group intent on taking the fear out of breast cancer -- was hosting this night, we decided to, um, support the cause.

And support we did! We couldn't help but report, not only that everyone had an amazing time (as evidenced by our slideshow), but also that there were beautiful, muscled men worth ogling into the next day. What follows are the five sexiest bodies of Mr. LaBare 2014.

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Sting and Four Other British Rockers Who've Gone Soft

Categories: Boy Crazy

Sayre Berman

Rock 'n' roll can be a fickle beast. It treats none with less regard than those confronting the universal bummer that is aging. Something so representative of youth, built as the perfect vehicle for young rebellion, it's at its absolute best when the most audacious.

Thus, rock 'n' roll is no easy game for those long in the tooth. Physical requirements aside, there is a certain attitude required for great rock music that seems to fade in people as they age. And that's fine; after all, there can be only one Iggy Pop, right?

Sting is sharing the BB&T Center stage with Paul Simon this week. And since Sting's descent into easy listening is particularly notable, we thought we'd take a look at the careers of the former Police frontman and four other British ex-rockers who invested in some later-life complacency.

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Ten Fort Lauderdale Guys You've Probably Dated

Alex Markow

Fort Lauderdale is known for a few things: spring break, boats, the rich people who own the boats, the weird people who work on the boats, backward laws, and great waterfront properties. One thing it's definitely not known for: its dating scene.

While it can often seem that this city is teeming with attractive, successful young professionals, when it comes to actually dating them, we're often at a loss. Resorting to combing dating websites hardly bolsters the spirit. So what's to blame for the disconnect? Are we too busy playing drunk kickball to realize we're missing out on something real? Or are pickings really just that slim?

Every BroCo gal has compromised her ultimate needs to get some toned booty. And ain't nothing wrong with that. But so you don't feel so alone, we've put together a list of guys in the FTL area that you've probably dated, boned, or sexted.

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Tire Kingdom Rounds Up Country's Biggest Stars and Sells MegaTicket to See Them All

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Sayre Berman
Actual country music, and also what the powers-that-be have named the twang-affected psuedo-rock or fiddle-touched pop music that drips out of Nashville's never-ceasing production lines each year, holds the largest fan-base in music these days. Modern country artists sell records, they sell massive amounts of tickets, and they're a hot commodity. 

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Way too hot to be assembled for something like a cruise -- the current popular vessel for consuming mass quantities of live music. All of these artists have way too much money to make on their own tours, and for fuck's sake, this ain't "the redneck yacht club." Not to mention how just plain wrong it would be to play such distinctly American sounds in international waters. 
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Breakfast at Trinity's: A Spiritual Drag Service in Wilton Manors

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If you're not familiar with the weekly spirituality-inspired cabaret act at the Manor, you're missing out. Big time. Hosted by WIG (Wild Inspirational Gatherings) Ministries, this weekly is unique. It's one part spiritual, one part comedy, and one part musical. Oh, and one part drag queen.

Last night's service was led by the wonderful special guest, and sometimes advice columnist Reverend Trinity. While attending a sermon presented by a drag queen might seem like it would garner a first class ticket to hell, don't rule it out completely. WIG does not make a mockery of religion. Their mission is to empower the gay community, and help them find self esteem, self-worth, and spirituality. The idea is to take a campy, theatrical approach to religiosity to develop a healthy tight-knit social network. WIG ministry's site says they are trying to enlighten the gay community in "reaching their higher gay power a.k.a. their 'Inner Fabulousness.'"

What practice would be complete then without a choir? The WIG Gayngsta Choir started off the night with a brilliant mashup of "I Will Survive" and Destiny's Child's "Survivor." With lots of jazz hands and simple choreography, the choir managed to reel me in. If only they could harness the power of the internet to hold my attention. Oh? Then they screened a clip of a Marilyn Manson-obsessed teen singing an aria on America's Got Talent and making the audience cry? Checkmate. I was saved.

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W.F.R.G: Five Reasons Why We Salute You, Ryan Gosling

Gratuitous shirtless Ryan Gosling photo, because we can.

Ryan Gosling has got the internet going nuts, again, but not in a good way. At least according to British journalist Laurie Penny -- the woman he saved from a speeding taxi in NYC. Side note: If she didn't want the attention and didn't care about the fact that it was Ryan Gosling, why did she feel the need to tweet so much about it? Coincidentally on the same day, writer Ned Hepburn of death + taxes posted an ad on Craigslist in the hopes of finding W.A.R.G. aka Women Against Ryan Gosling. Surprisingly, there was quite a slew of females who felt the need to express their anti-Ryan Gosling thoughts. Some women went on to compare him to a "ferret with better abs" or a "Hitler youth love child of Hayey Joel Osment and Chuck Norris". That's some serious RG blasphemy!

Needless to say, the women over here at County Grind are proud members of W.F.R.G. (Women For Ryan Gosling) and here's a few reasons why.

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