Shai Hulud

Hardcore punk is an art form as distinctly American as jazz and competitive eating. The legendary scenes of New York, Boston, and California lay claim to the vast majority of bands liable to be referred to as "important" -- those whose T-shirts have been deemed worthy for wear by random hipsters in need of authenticity points.

However, Florida -- and South Florida in particular -- sustained a scene that spawned some of the best hardcore acts to ever stomp a stage or incite a microphone brawl. And though we're undoubtedly a little biased, we thought we'd compile a list to prove the point to those of you who may have forgotten (or never knew) the might of Sunshine State hardcore.

The following list is in no particular order.

See also:
- Ten Best Screamo Bands from Florida
- Ten Best Florida Metal Bands of All Time

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Assück

Florida is an extreme state. We have extreme temperatures, extreme governmental corruption, an extremely large number of oddball news features detailing the extreme events taking place here. And, fortunately, we also do extreme music better than just about anyone (Nordic peoples not withstanding).

Depending on who you ask, and how much lutefisk they may have consumed in their lifetime, Florida invented and perfected the sonic horror-scape known as death metal. Maybe it's the rhythm of chaos that moves things in this subtropical vacation paradise-come-real life cartoon, but for whatever reason, Floridians blast, chug, growl, and churn harder than anyone.

Here we take a closer look at the best Florida metal bands -- those titans that sculpted the unholy musical bane of parents everywhere -- of all time, in no particular order.

See also:
- Ten Best Screamo Bands From Florida
- Ten Worst Florida Bands of All Time

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Continuing with our list of the top tier, grimiest joints to have a drink, here are the top ten dive bars in Palm Beach County.

See also
- Top Ten Dive Bars in Broward County

10. The Ugly Mug
About half an hour after the Eastside of Atlantic Avenue shuts down, across town, things are popping at the Ugly Mug.

Open until 5 a.m., this nondescript bar in Delray Beach is one of the city's few after-hours drinking holes. Its clientele consists of two sorts -- in the biz people knocking back a few after their respective shifts and stumbling lushes who had too much to drink hours ago, but refuse to hang it up for the night.

The mugs with sad clown-meets-court jester faces that hang from the ceiling here aren't so much ugly as they are creepy, though maybe a little cool if you're tipsy. Chances are good, if you've ever visited this grubby joint, it was at the tail end of a blackout.

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Last FM

Punk always has an identity crisis looming around every corner.

Allegedly, skinheads, anarchist vegans, and street-punk LARPers are all cut from the same cloth, despite the garish differences.

But no matter how confounding you find a genre like Hare Krshna hardcore (and wonder what Sid Vicious would have to say about it), screamo -- more than any other hardcore subset -- will always be fighting for people to take it seriously.

That's because it is hyperbolic, exaggerative, and dramatic to a point of ridiculous.

But hey, we were raised on the stuff. And the adjectives listed above? Well, that's why we like screamo in the first place! Lucky for us, the Sunshine State has produced a comfortably listable amount of truly great screamo bands.

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The time has come again to hit on sauced-up college kids way outta your league and appropriate age group. It's spring break!

Blend in discretely. Thankfully, the local shops along A1A have plenty of funky-colored T-shirts with catchy phrases. Every item is guaranteed to draw attention, without piquing the suspicion of a young horny coed. The trick is knowing what kind of vibe you want to give off.

Allow us to be your guide as your peruse the aisles of your favorite Fort Lauderdale beach gift shop. As connoisseurs of tacky shit, following our advice will get you laid. Enjoy this list, and remind the wedding photographer to tag us on Instagram.

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Joseph Schell

To hell with all those Irish jokes. We know that on Saint Patrick's Day you're just an alcoholic looking for an excuse to worship at the altar of your god Jameson. And Jameson is not a kind deity. He's more like that stepdad who hates you, but takes you out for ice cream before strapping your body with meat and sending you out into a particularly crocodile-infested area of the Everglades.

Green beer is ridiculously fun and Irish car bombs are, oh, so tasty. Pair those indulgences with your lack of self-control, and things will get sloppy on this greenest of holidays. So give in, and accept your fate this April 17. You'll probably end up stealing a leprechaun's virginity instead of its gold. So embrace the drunken perversion with these five most wild St. Paddy's Fort Lauderdale parties.

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Is Kanye West getting ready to release his own Metal Machine Music?

In addition to being a pampered-poodle-millionaire and all-around manic crybaby, Kanye West is known for unbridled innovation.

Whether he's playing a drum machine live at MTV's VMAs or producing, directing, writing, and creating heavily symbolic movies about what a tragic asshole he is, Kanye West is always one step ahead of the game.

But now the roof is ripping clean off as West sets hip-hop down the path of a genre it is not especially known for resonating with: psychedelic harsh noise. More »

Cashetta

Being gay in South Florida is as common as it gets. Sure, there's still prejudice, bullying, and occasional hate crimes, but where isn't there these days? On a map, South Florida is one of the most gay-friendly areas in the country, not to mention the world. Sure, it's no San Francisco (not until we legalize medical marijuana and gay marriage), but it's not exactly Pyongyang down here either.

Although we live in a cultural melting pot with a diverse, proud LGBT community, there's just one little problem: The majority of the gay bars down here are train wrecks in slow motion. Dated music (no, not "retro") and lack of age range (it's either 21-year-old power bottoms who lick the floor any pop diva walks on or your long-lost great-grandfather who keeps a large supply of kiddie porn in his basement -- take your pick). All major turnoffs. But most worrisome is the lack of diversity. We don't know if it's the fear of speaking to new people or the fear of simply being yourself, but people-watching at a South Florida gay bar is straight out of Mean Girls. All cliques, all the time, and if you approach someone without an invitation, nine times out of ten, you get a "you can't sit with us" glare.

Thankfully, because of the volume of gays and gay or gay-friendly bars, there are some hidden gems among the muck and grime. These ten bars represent the best in Broward and Palm Beach counties and offer a little something for everyone.
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The 27-year-old Serani's 2008 single, "No Games," with its sped-up, hiccuping beat and indelible chorus, was everywhere that year. A debut album of the same name followed in 2009, but since then, he's been working to prove he's no one-hit wonder. Newer songs like "When It's Cold," "Naked," and "Romance" center on the same R&B-style beats and syrupy melodies, aiming squarely at the females.

Check out some slightly newer Serani songs after the jump.

Best of the Best 2010. With Diddy, DJ Khaled, Gucci Mane, Capleton, Barrington Levy, and others. 1 p.m. Sunday, May 30. Bicentennial Park, 1075 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets currently cost $54 and up; children under 12 are free when accompanied by an adult. 305-438-9488; bestofthebestconcert.comMore »

Since the mid-'80s, Lady Saw has represented for the females in the highly male-driven world of dancehall. And throughout her career, she's racked up a lot of firsts. She was the first female dancehall artist to headline major genre events outside of Jamaica, the first to win a Grammy, and the first to go triple platinum. Saw has accomplished much of this thanks to her outspoken talk. While her male peers have usually taken to macho posturing, Saw's own perspective is decidedly female, and often, frankly sexual. It's not all bawdy pillow talk, though -- her songs have duly railed against mistreatment of women, and even advocated for safe sex.

(After the jump, too, watch her calling out an unruly fan and verbally crushing him. Amazing.)

Best of the Best 2010. With Diddy, DJ Khaled, Gucci Mane, Capleton, Barrington Levy, and others. 1 p.m. Sunday, May 30. Bicentennial Park, 1075 Biscayne Blvd., Miami. Tickets currently cost $54 and up; children under 12 are free when accompanied by an adult. 305-438-9488; bestofthebestconcert.comMore »