Top 10 South Florida Tinder Photo Clichés

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Tinder is a trip, man. For those who have been afforded the opportunity to get out there and get their swipe on in multiple states, there is no question that the variety and disparity of people looking for some action between different 38-mile radii is vast.

Much like an area develops a dialect, an area's Tinder profiles too possess a unique patois -- one that speaks to the nature of the place's activities and attractions. While one might expect a place as unhinged and unchecked as South Florida to boast a veritable buffet of what-the-fuck!? on Tinder, we've found quite the opposite.

There's an inexplicable homogenization going on down here. Each swipe digs deeper into a gallery of ultimately basic horny adolescents. We want you to get laid via the internet, so here are the top 10 Tinder profile clichés to avoid perpetrating to the tri-county area. We start with the women and then move on into the men -- this is a collaborative list, with help from music editor Liz Tracy. Also, these aren't just for straight folk. Gays also take note.

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Miley Cyrus Wants to Corrupt Ariana Grande

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Photo by Sayre Berman
Ariana Grande is in trouble, guys. Apparently professional controversy microwave, Miley Cyrus, wants to corrupt the cutest little thing to ever come out of Boca.

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Pharrell Countersues Will.i.am, the Craziest Person Alive

Categories: Bad Ideas

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Ian Witlen

Maybe you have an uncle who mews like a kitty at the sight of milk, or a friend who talks to his feet, and you've thought before that they are the craziest people in the world. But then, you read about some ridiculous shit that Will.i.am is doing, and you know that he, truly, is the most bonkers dude on the planet.

This former Black Eyed Pea megalomaniac fairly recently sued Pharrell for using the term "I Am." This is a real thing, friends. He owns the trademark on being. But just yesterday, Pharrell took action to fight back against the crazy.

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Kim Kardashian and Kanye Plan to Bring Newborn on Tour

Categories: Bad Ideas

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Sure Kim Kardashian is a first time mom with the spawn of Satan, um, Kanye. Sorry, brain fart. But you'd think she already knew, with Mason around and, you know, having 10,000 siblings, that there's no place like home for a newborn.

However, according to TMZ, KK is planning on bringing baybay Kimye (or, as we're banking on, North West) on tour with her man.

See also
- Ten Name Suggestions for Kim and Kanye's Superballin' Baby

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Justin Bieber's Message to Anne Frank and Five Others We're Sure Drop on This European Vacation

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On singer Justin Bieber's travels to Amsterdam, perhaps after a visit to a local coffee shop and maybe before checking out the red light district, he visited the Anne Frank house. 

This historical site where a teenaged Anne Frank and her family hid in a tiny attic from Nazis before being sent to death in a concentration camp obviously moved Mr. Bieber, because he wrote the following message in their guestbook, "Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber." 

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Limp Bizkit, the Worst Florida Band, Announces Tour Kickoff in Fort Lauderdale

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"I've seen the devil of violence, and the devil of greed, and the devil of hot desire; but, by all the stars! These were strong, lusty, red-eyed devils..." - Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness
It's 2013, and hating on Limp Bizkit, their frontman, Fred Durst, or the moshing-in-JNCOs rap-rock universe of which they are a cornerstone, is something like shamelessly combining the easiest elements of stealing candy from a baby, shooting fish in a barrel, and trolling for lulz.

See also
- 10 Worst Florida Bands of All Time


It's a job better left for hipster-norm pseudo-aesthetes like Chuck Klosterman. It's much more our style to take the road less traveled, revisit the Bizkit's legacy with new ears, and figure out where the band successfully produces art, regardless of how we feel about it personally.

But, uh, in the case of Durst, the band's arbitrarily costumed guitarist, Wes Borland, and whoever the fuck else is in Limp Bizkit, we may have met our match.

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Ten Worst Florida Bands of All Time

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Florida is a swamp filled with crazy people -- mostly rednecks and political refugees -- who are so far removed from the rest of civilization and its myriad, sanity-sustaining social contracts that their screws can't help but loosen more every day.

To be fair, crazy people have their place in society. Sometimes, somebody needs to get the party started, and it's usually the person in the room with the least number of metaphorical "marbles." And very often, nutzoids are responsible for some of the best tunes making their way around the Facebook reshare circuit.

However, crazy people have also been known to make really shitty music too. And because Florida has a higher-than-average percentage of whack-jobs, County Grind is sad to report that we produce an exorbitant number of bands and solo artists that make us ashamed to admit we were born here.

Roll up your sleeves and double-dose the klonopin and/or omeprazole. 'Cause we're about to list the ten worst bands from Florida of all freakin' time. We mean every last word of every single thing typed after the jump and believe what we've written with the infallible orthodox mysticism (and old-world bloodlust) of a Muslim cleric in tribal Kurdistan.

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Drake's 50K Strip Club Spree, and Five Better Ways He Could Have Spent the Cash

Drake doesn't just have "Money to Blow..." He's got a lot of money to blow!
TMZ reports that rapper/singer Drake dropped (flung, threw, tossed, etc.) $50,000 at a strip club in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Apparently Drizzy and his posse rolled in with a cardboard box loaded with dough.

And then proceeded to make it rain. Profusely. Like, Old Testament-flood style.

As post-Enlightenment secular humanists, we can't help but feel like he could have used the money a little more wisely. So, here are five better ways that drake could have spent 50K, instead of on lap dances.
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Bryan Adams Named His Daughter Lula Rosylea; Five Worse Name Suggestions for His Next Kid

Categories: Bad Ideas
Bryan Adams. You certainly can write a power ballad, no one's denying that. However, when it comes to picking out baby names, you'd think you were homeschooled. Everyone knows the real reason you don't get too creative with your child's name; it's because they will be haunted by your poor decision-making for the rest of their lives. From grade school, to first dates. Job interviews, award ceremonies, and finally a goofy ass tombstone. Your spawn will always be on guard and develop a complex because of the stupid moniker you have bequeathed them.

You're obviously trying to come up with awful names when you named your newborn Lula Rosylea. But even still, you, Bry-Bry, get a C-. We understand. You want her to learn about the harsh realities of life early, an approach that's cruel, but effective. It's just that we just haven't known you to half-ass anything before! Would you be the multi-platinum, Grammy Award-winner that you are today if you lazily threw together sappy lyrics over redundant chord progressions? 

We hope that with your next kid, you go all out, balls-to-the-wall, dumbest name ever. For your convenience, here's a list of five worse baby names than Lula Rosylea and Mirabella Bunny.  We had to try really hard.


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Macklemore's Horror Hipster Song "Thrift Shop" Is Number One on Billboard. WTF?

Categories: Bad Ideas
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It didn't take long for the most ridiculous song of 2013 to pop up. Hats off to Seattle-based Macklemore and producer Ryan Lewis for cranking out your new favorite terrible tune, "Thrift Shop." 

While the song isn't exactly new (it dropped back in August of last year), it has been gaining serious attention in the past week. Whether you like it or not, it's going to be one of those songs that'll linger like allergies, a la Rebecca Black's "Friday" or Psy's "Gangnam Style."

The video is nothing out of the ordinary; a hipster rapper (think Weird Al meets Vanilla Ice) in a DeLorean goes to a thrift store (seriously, who calls them thrift shops?), buys previously-worn clothes for under $20, and then goes to a club sporting a sensibly chic fur coat. Sans the fur coat, it's all very formulaic to most people in the Tri-County area. It's like any old Saturday at the Swap Shop. 


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