Really parents, do want this guy as a role model for your newborn baby?
Music vet and New Times scribe Lee Zimmerman offers his insights, opinions and observations about the local scene. This week: How to screw up your kid from day one.
The holiday season is only now getting underway. but it's the perfect time to pick out a musical gift for any child on your holiday list. But a word of caution. Better to consider Twinkle Twinkle Little Rock Star, a new collection of lullabies adapted from rock 'n' roll classics, for April Fool's Day instead. A dubious entry in what has become a new trend in children's music, these tunes for tots are hardly PG and may cause the parent of the tot you give them to to forever banish you from their premises.
Although I'm not totally clear on the reasoning behind this somewhat twisted premise, it does appear to serve one of two purposes. One, it offers the child ample opportunity to elevate its hipness level from an insanely early age, thereby offering the chance to impress fellow toddlers with the fact that they know the entire Metallica catalogue, as translated into lovely and cuddly nocturnal melodies specially adapted for the postnatal set. Hey, it's more impressive than sucking on a stuffed animal or pooping in one's diapers. Or two, it serves the infant's parents' unnatural obsession with rock 'n' roll, an obsession so overwhelming that they need to force feed it to their newborn, thereby increasing the chances that fully half of the baby's brain cells will be turned to mush by the time it enters kindergarten.
Okay, I exaggerate, but there is cause for suspicion given this latest outrageous entry in the baby rock juggernaut, one that really calls into question the reasoning behind the product and the logic of any caregiver that might actually think it appropriate for any kind of crib consumption.