Lord of the Riffs Trilogy: A Weirdo Attempts to Leave or Explain the "Cult" of the Melvins

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Part 1: Fellowship of the Melvins

In 2010, ABC News correctly identified legendary rock group, the Melvins as a "cult band." Meanwhile, the growing "Melvins Army" presently consists of close to a million devotees worldwide. The fact is, the Melvins are not a "rock and roll band" at all. They deliberately defy any genre or scene that may claim them as their own, for reasons which we will now expose.

After more than 20 years of investigation, we have discovered that beneath their "rock star" exterior, the Melvins are, without a doubt, a dangerous cult. An ancient fraternity, if you will, dating back to the dark and medieval days of 1983. Their live show is a Druid-like séance, with band members wearing phantom-like priestly garments. Midway through their "performance," an ethereal communion and baptism takes place. Their musical shows are ritualistic initiation ceremonies, coercing the unsuspecting concert-goer into an unearthly secret society. The band's members are like undercover agents, sent by a trust of giant insects from another galaxy.

See also: The Melvins' King Buzzo: "They All Think I'm Insane"

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Lil' Kim Versus the Manor: Twitter, Facebook, and Legal Drama Follow Saturday Night Show

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Ian Witlen

In November 1996, Lil' Kim released her first full album, Hard Core. It was a huge commercial and critical success: an overtly racy album with raunchy lyrics that featured the biggest name (yes, the biggest) in hip-hop at the time, her Junior M.A.F.I.A. cohort, the Nortorious B.I.G., on "Crush on You." In the music video for that song, she debuted her iconic color-coordinated wig-outfit combo, solidifying herself as a serious rapper and camp legend.

Kim's success continued until she ran into some problems with the law. But that didn't stop her from releasing another album... from prison.

This year, she put out a mixtape, which, ironically, is called Hard Core 2K14. It was meant to give fans a taste of Kim circa 1996, which she described in an interview with Stacks Magazine as "cocaine rap." The article emphasizes it's what "the fans" wanted; she appears very invested in them.

Unfortunately, most of those who worship at the altar of Kim and came out to see the femcee at the Manor on Saturday night felt cheated. With a 9 p.m. door time, it was safe to assume she would go on by midnight, right? Maybe just a little bit later? Nope. In fact, she came out much, much later and, according to the venue, didn't fulfill contractual obligations.

See also: Lil' Kim at The Manor in Wilton Manors (Photos)

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Stitches Offers Coke to Audience, Abruptly Ends Show in Lake Worth

Categories: A Gay Ol' Time

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Via YouTube
Last Friday, September 5th, the rapper known as Stitches -- internet-famous for intimidating face tattoos and rapping "I love selling blow!" -- abruptly ended his performance and abandoned a meet-and-greet at a Lake Worth nightclub. Witnesses say, and video shows, that the 19-year-old, whose real name is Phillip Katsabanis, stormed off stage after offering cocaine to female audience members, which triggered a confrontation with his wife, Erica Duarte.

Stitches performed alongside Old Habits, a hardcore band, and Web Three, a rock-rap mashup, at Lake Worth's Propaganda.

Filmmakers Christian Duke and Kyle "Kyote" Oloughlin were at the show to capture footage for a "Gangstas & Thugs" documentary about violence in both hardcore and hip-hop. They captured some of the incident on video.

See also: Viral Rapper Stitches: Some Truth, Many Questions

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PureHoney's Third Anniversary Reminds Us to "Bee Authentic"

Categories: A Gay Ol' Time

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PureHoney Magazine's Steve Rullman shared with us quite a few nuggets of good advice when we spoke with him earlier this week. His independently produced print music guide, peppered with quality articles and interviews, is celebrating three wonderful years of informing you music freaks on where to go and what to do in South Florida for a good time.

PureHoney isn't some precious thing you pick up to simply admire -- though it always has a rad poster hidden in its belly -- it's also very functional. Considering it's deliciously thriving in the age of the internet, we advise you take Rullman's sage words to heart.

"Authenticity is key," Rullman says. "I love turning people on to sweet junk I come across." And PureHoney is truly authentic. It displays the finest aspects of our community and Rullman's own refined tastes. He's curating a scene of his own, in a way, through this foldout publication.

See also: Roadkill Ghost Choir Headlines PureHoney Magazine's Three Year Anniversary



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Mai Kai Dance Party This Saturday: "Shake Your Coconuts!"

Categories: A Gay Ol' Time

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Ari Justin Rothenberg

Though Nick Dewey (James Brown's Sweat) and Jasper Delaini (DJ Sensitive Side) are the fathers of the irregularly thrown but always memorable Mai Kai dance party, Radio-Active Records' Mikey Ramirez has lent his vinyl stylings to the affair about a handful of times. The crew is regrouping this Saturday, and as Ramirez told us, "expect a bloodbath." A rum-soaked, booty-shaking bloodbath.

Though all three are busy with families and businesses, they managed to carve out time for this "death by dance" event for you party people. So say thank you by chugging a few boozy bevs from ceramic skulls and swishing that rockabilly skirt from side to side.

"I was honored that they asked me to help out." Ramirez says. "It's a rare occurrence, but they announced it this time around, and I was excited."


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Miley Cyrus Has the Loneliest Instagram

Categories: A Gay Ol' Time

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Miley's Instagram
All dogs and face.

Have you seen Miley Cyrus' Instagram? Wait. What am I asking? Of course you have! She has well over 10 million followers on that shit. That's more people than live in New York City. That's like ten and half Rhode Islands. That's insane.

And Miley's no photographer. There's nothing particularly beautiful or artistic about any of her shots. There's an overwhelming number of selfies and photos of her pack of canines. And for some reason, it feels lonely to me. So lonely. Like "hold me" lonely. Let's explore this.

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Ten Ugliest "O" Faces in Pop Music (NSFW)

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angela n. via Flickr

Most professional musicians who make it to the world stage are rather beautiful. It's part of the deal that they're more attractive or interesting in the face than most.

But no matter how gorgeous that mug, if they're putting even smidgen of soul into their efforts, their face is gonna show it. They often look as though they're having a rough time in the John after an unfortunate encounter with street meat or as if in the throes of true ecstasy (which feels better than it looks).

Though some might see it as a translation of "spirit" or "passion," these funny "O" faces offer the rest of us ugly fucks the chance to humanize celebrities. It just so happens that the following lookers display hysterical shred-face when wilin' out. This collection of grimaces lays out pretty much the worst best of them.

See also: Ultra 2014's 25 Best Bass Faces

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Katy Perry and Hillary Clinton Womance Around Campaign Song "Roar"

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Instagram
We all know Hillary Rodham Clinton is running for prez again no matter what she isn't saying.

This weekend, someone totally showed me a pic of Katy Perry and HillC on Instagram, I thought, "Well, that makes sense." Perry's a dem who once told GQ she won Wisconsin for the current commander-in-chief -- because that happened, riiiight.

After hitting up a Clinton book signing, Perry posted her photo with future President Clinton on Instagram and Twitter, mentioning she'd offered to write her campaign song (or "theme" song, as she called it).

Finally, yesterday, Hillary tweeted back! The former FLOTUS totally pulls off a DJ Khaled-level of self-hype by plugging her book Hard Choices in the following tweet. Hats off to Hills for getting it all in there in under 140 characters.


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The Ten People You Met at Stonewall Pride in Wilton Manors, 2014

Categories: A Gay Ol' Time

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Michele Eve Sandberg

These sweaty summer gay Pride days are the actualization of Rainbow Brite's outfit: fully colorful and original yet classic.

While the sun is still shining and folks in floats are throwing Mardi Gras beads at outstretched hands, swinging their ass cheeks side to side, times are good. You know, before the sloppy, scary after-hours parties where pupils are the size of saucers and pants get really tight under the strobe lights.

This is the time to celebrate equality, tutus, big wigs, good butts, hairy chests, and, well, gay pride! Here's about ten people you probably met at Stonewall Pride in Wilton Manors this past weekend.

See also: The Stonewall Pride 2014 Twilight Parade in Wilton Manors (Slideshow)

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Stache Launches LGBTQ Night with China White

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Nicole Halliwell is hosting and performing.
When Stache was Green Room, Jonny Veo's was a face you'd see around regularly. Since the closing of the Vagabond in Miami -- where he was throwing Thursday nights -- Veo returned to the Revolution Live complex in Himmarshee in both managing and marketing roles. His latest project is an all new Sunday LGBQT night at the Fort Laudy speakeasy. China White Tea Cup Party throws us back to the days of big drag, but for the cause of both making new friends (maybe very good friends via a Grindr party meet-up) and giving back.

Stache partnered up with Out of the Closet, the national thrift store chain where you can check up on your HIV status and give to the AIDS Healthcare Foundation while redecorating your house. "We'll have people dropping off clothing every week for a free drink ticket," explained Veo, and all your old duds will be donated to Out of the Closet.

"All I care about is just making sure all of my friends have a place to go," said Veo said of his intentions with the night. He thinks the downtown Fort Lauderdale scene is in need of some soul and community building. "We haven't had heart in a while," he observed. China White guarantees something different from the downtown status quo.

See also: Jonny Veo Benefit at C&I Studios Reunites Green Room DJs

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