MTV's 2014 Video Music Awards: In Need of Much Improvement
Each year around this time, I sit down with my phone in hand and wait for the MTV Video Music Awards to improve. It's a fruitless exercise. I realize that now. But there's an '80s child inside me who still believes in Music Television as the finest marriage of mediums. That '80s child must die before the 2015 VMAs.
Courtesy of MTV
Last night, the show started with the ever-unintelligible Boca native Ariana Grande. I like to think of her as the Pootie Tang of pop music. What in hell is this chick saying ever? Her wails certainly undulate with impressive range, but articulating words seems to be somewhat of a challenge for her.
Grande was followed by Nicki Minaj with her big booty "Anaconda" bit. My big question is: Is everyone taking those cheeks seriously? Or are they in on the joke? She was not born with that butt, but everyone's playing like it's natural and not science.
It was comedic when she crashed Usher's set to simply bump him with her ample derriere -- no hating there. The look of amusement on his face was priceless. The best thing Minaj has going for her is her goofiness. It makes her crotch-grabbing and floor-humping less icky, more funny. And then there was some skinny lady, Jessie J, rounding out their "girl power" intro.
The fashions displayed made for a horrendous freak show. Austin Mahone was wearing something that looked like Helmut Lang and R Kelly collaborated with zippers. And though Katy Perry and Riff Raff did tell Sway on the Red Carpet that their Canadian suit ensembles were a throwback to when Britney and Justin first failed at this look, it was still beyond a problem for my eyes. And I thought she was seeing Diplo? What's happening in the world that these two are dating? At least they both have the same sense of fashion. Taylor Swift also forgot her pants at home. The '90s are back, she was a baby in the '90s, but wearing a onesie at 24 is just creepy.
Snoop Dogg and a well-preserved Gwen Stefani verbally set the tone of the evening: "This year, the ladies are taking over." And yeah, yeah. There were lots of women, and they all seemed to be getting along, which is awesome, except, of course, for our darling Miley. Lorde and Taylor Swift may have been cuddling up in the front row, but when Swift took the stage, Miley threw some revenge shade that stole the spotlight. God bless her.