Ten Most Annoying Drunk Dudes You Meet at a Bar

Categories: Talking Shit


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Illustrations by Serena Dominguez

6. The Would-Lose-His-Penis-if-It-Weren't-Attached Dude
Perhaps some of our readers are too young to remember King Missile's '90s college-radio hit "Detachable Penis?" Thank God this guy's penis isn't detachable, because like his keys, cell phone, and wallet, it will end up in some mysterious black hole at the end of the evening.

He's the one who always leaves his credit card at the bar or forgets where he parked his car. Looks like you'll have to buy this round, girl, because Mr. Loser lost his last $20 on the floor somewhere.

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Illustrations by Serena Dominguez

5. The Pathetic P*&sy-Whipped Fellow
God, please stop talking about how incredible your wife or girlfriend is. Oh yeah, her I.Q. is how high? Her eyes are indescribable, and she's the spitting image of Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's? That's nice, but what about all the current girls at the bar? Can you put your phone down for one minute and stop texting her? We're out; enjoy the moment.

There's some overlap with the Sad Sap here when Mr. P*&sy-Whipped is coming out of a relationship. Heaven forbid the whole night end up devoted to lamenting the demise of his previous relationship. We don't care.

Pass him some tissues and move on.


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