Possible Activities at Ted Nugent's Kamp for Kids

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Ian Witlen

It sounds like the setup for a joke. Kooky right-winger and former rock-star Ted Nugent has a summer camp he calls Kamp for Kids.

According to the organization's news release:

25 years ago multi-platinum guitar icon Ted Nugent set out on a selfless mission to get kids out of malls, off the streets, away from drugs and crime, into the woods and in touch with the natural healing powers of the wild. The goal of the Kamp is to teach a child morals and ethics, and their role as caring humans that manage and respect the wildlife around us. From this desire to help others, the "Ted Nugent Kamp For Kids" was founded.

Knowing what we do about the singer of "Cat Scratch Fever" -- the guy who called President Barack Obama a "communist-nurtured subhuman mongrel" and said of immigrants, "foreigners are scum, I don't like them, I don't want them in our country" -- here's our best guess of what kind of activities this kind-hearted man might have in store at the Nuge's Kamp for Kids.

See also: Ted Nugent on Politics: "Obama Represents Everything Bad About Humanity"


Spelling Bees
Don't let the name fool you, education comes first at Kamp For Kids. Last year's winner Ben James won the spelling bee in the seventh round when asked to spell "freedom." He took home the trophy, by spelling it "N-R-A."


Campfire Singalongs
We bring out the weenies and marshmallows as the whole camp sings along to wholesome tunes like "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang." The night comes to a fiery close as campers burn Hillary Clinton in effigy.


Hunting
Learn how to lock and load as we hunt all kinds of wild game, from deer to boars to welfare queens all lining up at government offices, running up our taxes with their damned EBT cards.

See also: Slideshow of Ted Nugent at Revolution Live, Fort Lauderdale


Canoeing
Paddle up and down stream while playing the fun game of whack-a-Mexican with your oar as you keep a lookout for any illegals trying to cross the border into the "Land of the Free."


Color Wars
Our take on the popular outdoor children's activity where the camp is broken off into two teams separated by color. Ted Nugent's Kamp for Kids takes this on a global scale: It's America versus Afghanistan, Syria versus, well, Syria. Stuff like that.

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