Ten Musical Things You Can Do to Improve Your South Florida Summer
6. Try one of these twerk workouts.
You know what the problem with South Florida is? You have to not look crappy ever at the beach. You always have to have a flattering bathing suit no matter what your physique. Big is beautiful in SoFla, but more so, big booty is beautiful. So get thee to a twerk class and start firming up that tush. You'll hit the beach like a motherfucking wrecking ball. That's right. We went there.
5. Memorize Monty Python Sings.
This may seem random, but there's nothing more fun than singing the many words for penises or about sitting on faces. It's what summer is all about, especially if you're about 13 and you're so nerdy that you know no one will want to have sex with you for at least another five years. (Full disclosure: We know all the words to these songs.)
4. Take a musical road trip.
Get the hell out of here. No one wants you here. Well, maybe your dog and your mom do, but we think you need a break from the swamp. But why not head up to Bonnaroo in Tennessee this June, or go farther north to Chicago in July for the Pitchfork Music Festival, and then drive over to Ohio the next weekend for the Gathering of the Juggalos. You have a few months to save some dough. If you have some real cash, you can make it all the way to Europe, where the good shows are.