Seven Reasons Every Straight Man Should Go to a Gay Pride Festival

Categories: A Gay Ol' Time

8725436.87.jpg
Photo by George Martinez
6. Fashion advice.
Can't figure out why you're not getting any? Maybe it's because you dress like Keanu Reeves from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure every single day instead of just on Halloween.

We're not saying every gay man works for Vogue. But we are saying 99% of straight men will wear Crocs out to dinner unless specifically instructed not to.

Go out and find a well-dressed, friendly gay man. Level with him, and tell him you need help. You need to diversify your wardrobe. Those three Tommy Bahama shirts ain't cutting it.

Every straight man was secretly devastated when Queer Eye for the Straight Guy went off the air. Now the only person on television yelling at straight men is Nancy Grace.

And just look at what the homosexual community can do with neighborhoods! Did you see Wilton Manors before the gays moved in? No you didn't, because you drove by it going 90 miles per hour with the doors locked and your eyes closed.

Free-Condoms.jpg
Photo by Paul Keller via Flickr Commons
5. Free condoms.
Bowls and bowls of them, like candy on Halloween. They even come in flavors. There's strawberry, banana, and -- for the health-conscious -- quinoa.

Sure, you'll never use all of the 200 that you grabbed, and they'll spend most of their time tucked in the bottom of your dresser, silently mocking you every time you reach for a sock, but, hey, it's always good to be prepared!

Stay safe! Wrap it up.


Advertisement

My Voice Nation Help
0 comments

Now Trending

Miami Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Events

Clubs

Loading...