Ten Essentials for a Heavy Metal Cruise

Categories: Music News

Ian Witlen

Genre-themed concert cruises are the new black.

In 2014, there's a floating music festival curated for fans of everything from progressive rock (Cruise to the Edge) to whatever the hell you want to classify the artists that sail on the Mad Decent Boat Party as. Hell -- there's even a Kiss Kruise! If you dig a sound and feel the call of the sea, there's a boat with your name on it these days. However, nothing found within this musical flotilla is more intriguing than the heavy metal cruises.

With names like Barge to Hell and 70,000 Tons of Metal, the heavy metal cruises that sail from South Florida's shores actually provide an astounding amount of bang for your buck. The lineups are always solid, the ports of call are pretty cool, and you're not driving the boat -- so you can spend a few days chasing down the zenith of early Metallica alcoholism. These cruises also benefit South Florida's land lovin' metal fans as there are always a few acts that choose to play a local date.

We understand that the archetypical metal fan is not necessarily the cruise type. Why would you want to chill in the Bahamas when there are so many other substantially more metal vacation options? You could have a pint next to the Phil Lynott memorial in Dublin, or you could go tour the rebuilt Scandinavian churches that had burned in the wild and crazy early days of black metal. At any rate, we're here to help prepare you, esteemed metal cruiser, with a bit of packing guidance. Here are our ten metal cruise essentials.

10. Sunscreen
This one is glaringly obvious, but skin cancer is the least metal way to die. Also, sunburns are for amateurs, and you probably paid money for those tattoos, why not protect them?

9. Prophylactics
Another obvious choice, but let's be real: You probably don't even know what state he or she is from, and it's going to be really rough explaining to your future offspring that they were conceived in international waters between Napalm Death and Mayhem's sets. Also, the clap.

8. Probiotics
Diarrhea at sea ain't no joke, especially when you've dropped major coin to party with your favorite bands! So sidestep the cruise grub plague with a bit of precaution. Also, what could possibly more metal than pills that are actually teeming with (healthy) bacteria? Nothing.

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