Top 5 Worst People at a Heavy Metal Show

Categories: Useless Lists

4. The Hardware Store
Though less prominent in today's metal scene, the leather warrior aesthetic still pops up from time to time because metal fans love to live in the past. And the past is really the only time where you still have a shot of picking up a dude or lady while wearing a gauntlet festooned with spikes. We applaud you, because we know it does take some level of dedication to look like an extra from Mad Max (that shit ain't cheap). But if you accidentally bump into my ribs one more time with whatever bit hardware you've wrapped around your wrists, I'm going to eat your lungs Big Lurch style.

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Ian Witlen

5. The Stage Potato
Alright, you successfully crowd-surfed your way to the stage and are standing next to your favorite metal band. You're in their element, a part of the magic, and you're now so overcome with excitement that all you can do is stand there and throw up the horns while looking back to the audience for encouragement. We're all very happy for you and your moment, but could you please hurry up and get off the fucking stage before the venue's minions are forced to do it for you? You're a boner kill and you're breaking the fourth wall.

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