What to Buy Your Millennial for Christmas

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Not that your millennial won't one day grow into a loving and patient parent, but, Christ, if they reproduce now? My God, that poor child will be twerking before it can walk. Its middle name will be hashtag and its first word will be "swag."

Make sure that idiot wraps it up.

But not just any books! They have to meet a certain criteria.

There has to be a romance (preferably a love triangle) between two incredibly good-looking white people. At least one person has to die in some type of battle, but not too many people can die. That's just sad. And the climax of the book must take place in the rain.

Or just make sure it talks about sex a lot.

Social Media Assistant
Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Vine, Instagram, Reddit! How do you expect them to do all of this while driving?!

Do the right thing and hire a liberal arts major to follow them around and upload their every thought onto the internet.

Follow Ryan Pfeffer on Twitter

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