What to Buy Your Millennial for Christmas
If you happen to live with or be related to a millennial, then you're probably familiar with this process. Every year, around the start of December, you'll get a text or an email, or maybe just an iPad slipped under your door. Somehow your millennial will electronically send you a list of shit they want.
Photo by Sayre Berman
It's Christmas time, which for them means only one thing: Presents! Things! New stuff to accidently drop in the toilet!
But if your millennial was too busy to get you a list this year, don't worry. I'm going to tell you what to get them.
Anything with an 'i' in front of it.
Be they pads, phones, watches, or balls. Just head toward the store in the mall that looks like a room reserved for robot orgies and wave your credit card in the air.
Photo by Ian Witlen
Yes, those $100 jeans that look like they were made for a flamingo are the ones your son wants. Baggy clothes haven't been in style since Fred Durst was screaming about nookies.
And no, you're not in the baby section. That half-shirt crop top is exactly the one your daughter wants. Belly button is in. Just be thankful it's the only hole below the neck she's showing off, because at the rate fabric is disappearing, it's only a matter of time before the only thing on her body are a pair of socks.