Top 20 Signs You Spend Too Much Time in Fort Lauderdale

Categories: Talking Shit

Michele Eve

For 20-somethings and young-at-heart 30-somethings, Fort Lauderdale is brimming with more nightlife options than ever. Sure, the city still has a reputation for wife-swapping and wasted frat guys, but with the emergence of places like the FAT Village Arts District, Radio-Active Records, the Bubble, and Funky Buddha Brewery, indie-loving club types have many more hobnob options than just slugging three-for-ones at a Himmarshee dive and cursing Miami.

With so many options to choose from, one doesn't have to leave the 954 anymore, instead leaving us to overfrequent local haunts and develop an incestuous Broward County frame of mind. Could you be in that holding pattern?

Have you ever said: "Screw Wynwood. I'd rather just chill at Laser Wolf and check out what's going down at the Bubble." Has it been months since you've traveled north of Commercial Boulevard? If so, then you, my friend, may just be guilty of Fort Laudy abuse. What follows are indicators that you have a Fort Liquordale problem.

See also: Top 20 Signs You've Spent Way Too Much Time in Lake Worth

1. When walking to the Poorhouse to check out your friend's band, you'll bump into five or more people you've slept with.

2. Speaking of the Poorhouse, you've grown immune to the funk that emanates from its bathroom.

3. You are a straight guy but in a drunken stupor you've ended up at gay club in search for something or somebody named Tina.

4. You've sampled everything on tap this month at Laser Wolf and are already anticipating next month's limited-release sour beer.

5. You've partied with Dennis Rodman on more than one occasion.

6. It is not unusual for you to use "Ft. La-di-da-di," "Ft. Lawdy," or "Ft. Liquordale" when texting friends on your whereabouts.

7. You've cursed not being able to make a left on Sunrise Boulevard going north on Federal Highway, but it's cool -- you usually just end up at Laser Wolf sipping on a craft brew to calm down.

8. You have taken many a date to Bimini Bay in hopes that the porn movies screening will get them "in the mood."

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Shawn Weaver
Shawn Weaver

Yea these hipsters wear their grandparents clothes but forgot thier workethic

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