Five Ways to Spend New Year's Broke

Categories: Talking Shit

4. Invite friends over for a Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve with Ryan Seacrest drinking and strip game.
Hey,don't get the doldrums because you're staying home again and watching TV for New Year's Eve. Embrace it. Get naughty with it. Invite as many couples and members of the opposite sex as you know over to your house for a game of "Drunken Strip Rockin' Eve." Tell them its BYOB, and that top-shelf liquor will go a long way.
How the game works? It quite simple actually.

  • Take one shot every time Ryan Seacrest makes a guest feel awkward.

  • Take one shot and remove one article of clothing every time Seacrest totally flops (like a 300-pound man in a belly flop contest) on a joke.

  • One shot every time Ryan Seacrest touches his hair.

  • Chug when Miley Cyrus twerks.

  • Take one shot and remove one article of clothing anytime Seacrest adjusts his bowtie.

  • Chug anytime anyone mentions how cold it is.
  • Remove one article of clothing anytime Dick Clark's image is shown.

3. Crash Your Neighbor's Year End Blowout.
Just walk around your gated community and find the house with the most cars parked out front. More cars mean more people, and the more people, the better your chances are of blending in. Oh yeah, wear something bland, like Sears' khakis, or something from Ann Taylor if you're a woman. You don't want to stick out.

Try not to show up empty-handed either. We recommend bringing that six-pack of Bud in your fridge. Nobody's going to turn away a person with beer in their possession. Once inside, go straight for the fridge like you've been there before, place your six pack there and grab something imported. Now mingle. Mingle, mingle, mingle.

If you don't have a handy six pack, you'll have to be creative. Maybe you have some empties in the garbage you could improvise with (you know, fill with water and attempt to fasten the bottle caps best you can). Cooking wine works too. Just try to show up with something in your hands so you don't scream "freeloader."

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