Ten Things We'd Like to See in New Chapters of R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet

Categories: Arts, Talking Shit


Thirty-three chapters of the epic "hip hopera" Trapped in the Closet are evidently not enough. The song that never ends, written and performed by R. Kelly, where he sings every character's dialogue and action in E major, endures with new chapters coming in 2014, according to IFC.

To celebrate, the cable network showed all 33 chapters last Saturday. Rewatching it in its entirety, I have absolute faith that R. Kelly will continue on the divine path of awesomeness and awfulness that has made Trapped in the Closet such a masterpiece. Just in case Kells forgot what made Trapped such a classic, here is a checklist of ten things we would like to see in the new chapters.

See also: R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet Goes to Broadway

1. A Recap
In the beginning of chapter 13, R. Kelly reminded us what came before. With 20 more chapters passing, we could use a refresher.

2. More R. Kelly Commentary
The only thing better than watching Trapped in the Closet is taking advantage of the special feature on the DVD that allows you to watch R. Kelly watch himself in Trapped in the Closet and comment on his own brilliance. Even better, he smokes a cigar while being impressed by himself.

3. Keep the Beat Going Throughout
Like all fans of Porky Pig, I enjoy Pimp Lucius' stuttering, but what makes Trapped special is the song and the lyrics never stop except when Pimp Lucius stutters. He beat that pony to death. Keep the song going in these chapters.

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