Justin Bieber Retires: Five Things We See Him Doing Next

Categories: Bieber Fever

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George Martinez

No doubt, the recent Twitter announcement by Justin Bieber that he's retiring is a total Cher move. On Christmas Eve, probably in a drunken eggnog haze, he tweeted: "My beloved beliebers I'm officially retiring." This was even after he had already announced this "big" news earlier in the month on L.A.'s Power 106. Then he kinda went even more nuts, saying that "being a Bielieber is a lifestyle" and "I'm never leaving you." Finally, abandoning the apostrophe for "IM HERE FOREVER." Justin, sorry to break it to ya, even you will one day be dust.

But the kid's like 19. So, we have to ask: What will the Biebs do next?

See also: Justin Bieber at Miami Heat Game: Inside His Head (and Leather Bodysuit)


1. He'll helm his own fan club
He did say he's never leaving his Bieliebers. He can be rich till he dies if he finds some way to maintain his risen star at least for a few more years. Maybe he can score some dough wiping up the tears of his sad fans or something.

2. GQ's hair trends consultant
No teenaged boy will ever go back to a skater cut again, unless the Biebs deems it so.

3. Cocaine
Now, we love the Biebs. We do. But he's been sparking up very frequently recently, and with all that dough and nothing to do, what comes next? Cocaine!

4. Become the King of Lesbians
You all remember Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber. And no offense to lesbians, but maybe he can be like the "patriarch" of the gay girls. He's nonthreatening, looks like a lady, and does he date girls? He can sit at Melissa Etheridge's feet.

5. Looking Confused
What the hell does a pop superstar do once the lights go low? Finally scratch his ass? Pick his tickling nose? Look confused. That's our best guess.

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