New Party Rules for Millennials
Parties are for meeting new people.
I swear, every time I hit up a millennial event, no one is meeting anyone new. It's all the same old people talking to their same old peoples. Go home with someone all your friends didn't bone yet for once.
And remember the Girl Scout song: "Make new friends but keep the old/one is silver and the other's gold."
YouTube isn't party entertainment.
For the love of God! Please, please, please do not put YouTube on at a party. Just, no.
No one wants to see that "really funny" viral piece of crap, stupid kung-fu underground video you want to put on 'cause you're stoned. If everyone were a better conversationalist, there would be less need for internet visuals. Actual art visuals are OK, as is anything super trippy, or The Big Lebowski. But get off the internet. It isn't real life.
Stop Instagramming everything.
That leads us to Instagram. OK, we get it. You have an iPhone. You're out and looking cute in your baggy top and skinny jeans. Lord knows your hair has never looked better, and that pout is so becoming. But try, just try, to keep from Instagramming yourself looking like you're having fun, when really, you're just standing around using Instagram in a circle of awkward millennials. No one cares if you're at a party. Just be at the party. Touch other humans, speak words, and connect with them.