Five Signs You Have Lead Singer Syndrome (LSS)

Categories: Useless Lists

bono_with_boner.jpg
Sayre Berman
Those with LSS think they are like Bono.

Here at New Times, we are all about the music scene. Local gigs, big acts, cover bands that play at bar mitzvahs, we love it all! That being said, we feel it's important to address a serious affliction that affects us all in the music community: Lead Singer Syndrome, otherwise known as LSS.

Symptoms of Lead Singer Syndrome include acting entitled and ungrateful, the delusion that s/he is the greatest person to grace the presence of every hole-in-the-wall establishment. Probably one of the biggest signs is s/he treats borrowed equipment like complete shit. Let's also note that s/he borrows equipment because s/he is either bumming off her/his parents or is not willing to pay for it, even with sufficient expenses.

For clarification, it is not just lead singers who can be diagnosed with LSS. Lead guitarists, drummers, even those who play the thermion can have it. Hell, even those not in the music industry can be ill in this manner. Frankly, the only cure is a swift kick in the ass.

Now don't get us wrong: It's great to be confident. In fact, it's fan-fucking-tastic to be sure of yourself. But when you're a local artist who thinks you have the stage presence of Mick Jagger or the looks of Adam Levine, that's just not right. In fact, if anything, you lose cool points. For the humble ones out there, we commend you. Keep up the great attitude, because not only is it rare but it will get you damned far (karma, people). Here are five signs you have Lead Singer Syndrome.

5. You describe your sound as "the greatest thing on Earth."
When educating others about your band, don't describe it as "one of the best local acts" or "it will blow your mind." Seriously, "alternative" or "indie" will suffice.

4. You speak in third person.
Or give yourself a ridiculous name like "The Edge." Only The Edge can have a name like that and not be a total fucking toolbag because he is, well, The Edge.

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3 comments
JimTesta
JimTesta

IMS - Inept Music Journalist Syndrome -- thinking theremin is spelled "thermion."

artistdiaz
artistdiaz

You can't forget about showing up last, setting up nothing and leaving first from a show.

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