11 Fort Lauderdale Girls You've Probably Dated

Categories: Talking Shit

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Jacob Katel

6. The Boca Babe
She's a daddy's girl with an AMEX, a marketing or PR job, and a serious shopping addiction, but damn, does she look good in that minidress and those platforms. Your first date was at the iPic movie theater, where you bonded over a bottle of rosé and the latest Ryan Gosling movie. She was a picky eater, loud, and while her unbridled confidence, princess attitude, and constant demands started out kinda hot, you soon found yourself feeling more sorry and insecure than happy and fulfilled. When she'd already received a Tiffany's bracelet, a Birkin bag, and a nose job from her parents and it was only the third night of Hanukkah, you accepted you could never measure up and called it quits.

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Ian Witlen

5. The Promoter Girl
She roams the sidewalks of Riverwalk in fishnets, metallic booty shorts, and a ribboned bustier passing out wristbands and fliers for two-for-one drinks and "ladies free all night." Of course, you didn't know that when you met her at a mutual friend's birthday party. Sure, there are certain perks to dating someone "in the biz": She knows the bartenders at every joint from downtown to the beach, she can hook it up with bottles whenever your bros come into town, and she never asks you to come out with her girlfriends or if she can tag along -- she'll take any chance she can to get away from the nightlife scene.

The two of you began to drift when you simply couldn't find the time to spend together. You were somewhat taken aback when, a couple of years later, it was Promoter Girl who walked in the door of your room at the ER sporting scrubs and a clipboard after you busted your head open stumbling around on Himmarshee.

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Alex Markow

4. The Beach Bum
Wild, sun-bleached locks, long, bronzed legs, sandy ass cheeks hanging out of her hot-pink bikini bottoms -- what's not to love? She was bent over a pinball machine at Blondies, casually sipping her Bud Light from her plastic cup. You eyed her from across the bar and eventually had enough beer in you to go over and talk to her.

The chemistry was there; you exchanged numbers and engaged in a prolonged text exchange before she mysteriously stopped responding. Then, after you tried calling and leaving a voice-mail, you were immediately sent a long text message filled with death threats. Apparently, Beach Bum had a boo, and he wasn't exactly thrilled about your interaction, let alone your existence.


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23 comments
robert.n.nielsen
robert.n.nielsen topcommenter

OMG and I thought Miami bitches were bad. Lauredale sux. Def. Staying out of broward.

2704dennis
2704dennis

You forgot two.  The Name Dropper.  She knows every important man in town on a first name basis or says she does.  She is normally a newly hired real estate associate or a door greeter at a marina where yachts are sold.  Late 20's to early 30's.  And then there is the personal assistant wannabe.  She is 20 years younger than the men she dates but acts like she is their mother.  The goal here is to get into your house and re model it for a handsome decorative fee.  Believe me, these are all over town.

doigmlwin
doigmlwin

PLEASE do a guys one. This is HILARIOUS.

Ed Kwok
Ed Kwok

Erin Sutherland - Your picture is in this article!! Lol

ltrepas1979
ltrepas1979

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Amber Watters
Amber Watters

Please tell me you're going to be writing one on the men you've probably dated?

Anthony Djuren
Anthony Djuren

Your forgot the biggest demographic in Ft. Lauderdale, the newly divorced 30-40 something that wants to party like they are back in college.

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