11 Fort Lauderdale Girls You've Probably Dated

Categories: Talking Shit

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Falyn Freyman

9. The Kickball Queen
She seemed to suddenly appear in your circle of friends during a new season of WAKA kickball, and the two of you grew closer with each game. At the Dicey Riley's afterparties each week, she consistently matched you shot for shot and could rattle off sports stats faster than any of your bros. She was aggressive, competitive, and unashamed to burp in public, and she was also constantly hinting at her prowess at certain other physical activities.

After three weeks, she finally went home with you, but on this night, she'd matched you one shot too many. A sloppy session was followed by three hours of her locked in your bathroom before she sneaked away in a cab at the crack of dawn. She was way too embarrassed to ever call you, and of course you never called her. She dropped out of your kickball team, but a few weeks later, she resurfaced on another team -- she had successfully infiltrated another group of bros.

See also: Five Reasons Fort Lauderdale's Young Professionals Play WAKA Kickball

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Mike Rice
She's on top of the world!

8. The Woman on Top
She's beautiful, powerful, and completely self-sufficient. She also has a very regimented life plan -- you either fall in line or get run over. She gave you a chance, she really did. And for a while, you humored her. You let her pick out your outfits, limit your bro visits to once a week, and put you on a strict diet and fitness routine. It was kind of sexy getting bossed around so much. Plus, you had to admit, you really were looking good those days.

But her high-paced, stressed-out lifestyle started to rub off on you, and the fact that she was always working so hard made you start to question if maybe you weren't working hard enough. You're a free spirit, you started to tell yourself as you lay awake at night. You don't need another mom; you need a minx who will let you be you, love you for exactly who you are, and make you hearty, delicious meals. When you broke the news, she laughed in your face and then dumped all your clothes in the pool and keyed your car.

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Sayre Berman

7. The Girl Who's Always Down
You met her at Fat Cat's closing in on 2 a.m. She was wearing a tie-dyed T-shirt with rolled booty shorts and a pair of tattered Havaianas. She downed a shot and lit up another cigarette. And you were instantly drawn to her long, flowing locks, soothing voice, and chilled-out stoner-girl lifestyle. But things seemed to go south quickly after you realized she lacked more motivation than most -- even you.

When she wasn't blazing in the car before her shift at Friday's, she was toking up with her brother and his friends at their apartment. Sure she's hot, and she could definitely hold her own in a game of beer pong, but the fact that she could take a bigger bong hit than you and had absolutely no problem mixing liquor all night long and then scraping your bowl for buried resin treasures was a tell-tale sign of bigger problems.

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23 comments
robert.n.nielsen
robert.n.nielsen topcommenter

OMG and I thought Miami bitches were bad. Lauredale sux. Def. Staying out of broward.

2704dennis
2704dennis

You forgot two.  The Name Dropper.  She knows every important man in town on a first name basis or says she does.  She is normally a newly hired real estate associate or a door greeter at a marina where yachts are sold.  Late 20's to early 30's.  And then there is the personal assistant wannabe.  She is 20 years younger than the men she dates but acts like she is their mother.  The goal here is to get into your house and re model it for a handsome decorative fee.  Believe me, these are all over town.

doigmlwin
doigmlwin

PLEASE do a guys one. This is HILARIOUS.

Ed Kwok
Ed Kwok

Erin Sutherland - Your picture is in this article!! Lol

ltrepas1979
ltrepas1979

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Amber Watters
Amber Watters

Please tell me you're going to be writing one on the men you've probably dated?

Anthony Djuren
Anthony Djuren

Your forgot the biggest demographic in Ft. Lauderdale, the newly divorced 30-40 something that wants to party like they are back in college.

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