11 Fort Lauderdale Girls You've Probably Dated

Categories: Talking Shit

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Mike Rice
She's on top of the world!

Guys, we have to admit it. We felt sort of bad calling you out in our last post, pegging you as a collection of one-dimensional stereotypes rather than fully exploring your deeper complexity, the subtle nuances that really make you you. The truth is, as much as we like to box you into categories and poke fun at you, we really do appreciate you. Plus, let's face it: Fort Laudy gals aren't exactly perfect either.

That's why, to level the playing field a little, we figured it's only fair we take a moment to recognize an equally special subset of the South Florida dating world. Ladies, you're not off the hook. So here you have them, the eleven 954 women you've probably dated, dumped, or are currently talking to.

See also: Ten Fort Lauderdale Guys You've Probably Dated

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Chris Bellus
She's totally dumping you someday.

11. The Rockabilly Tattoo Girl
She was getting the final touches on her left arm full sleeve, and you were having your 1997 tribal transformed into a koi fish. She smiled at you and asked you your name over the pummeling of the tattoo gun. Next time you saw her at the Monterey Club, it was certain your tats would touch. Her inked Bettie Page appeal made your knees weak. And though she was soft-spoken and sweet as a milk shake, when in the presence of your ex, she fought like a shark in bloody water. One day, you came home from work and received the "it's not you, it's me" speech. You'll never forget her, because you still have her name inked on your thigh.

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Mike Rice

10. The Palm Beach Socialite
You met her at a charity gala at the Fort Lauderdale Museum of Art. She was almost constantly surrounded by a wall of men stumbling to bring her champagne drinks and women telling her how skinny she was. But the two of you locked eyes at the same auction item, and the rest was history. She seemed together, caring, and passionate -- virtual wifey material. But things began to unravel until all of her best qualities seemed to turn on you: She was actually unbearably type A, clingy, and just a smidge nutso. She never ate anything but salad with dressing on the side; you can't trust that.


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23 comments
robert.n.nielsen
robert.n.nielsen

OMG and I thought Miami bitches were bad. Lauredale sux. Def. Staying out of broward.

2704dennis
2704dennis

You forgot two.  The Name Dropper.  She knows every important man in town on a first name basis or says she does.  She is normally a newly hired real estate associate or a door greeter at a marina where yachts are sold.  Late 20's to early 30's.  And then there is the personal assistant wannabe.  She is 20 years younger than the men she dates but acts like she is their mother.  The goal here is to get into your house and re model it for a handsome decorative fee.  Believe me, these are all over town.

doigmlwin
doigmlwin

PLEASE do a guys one. This is HILARIOUS.

Ed Kwok
Ed Kwok

Erin Sutherland - Your picture is in this article!! Lol

ltrepas1979
ltrepas1979

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Amber Watters
Amber Watters

Please tell me you're going to be writing one on the men you've probably dated?

Anthony Djuren
Anthony Djuren

Your forgot the biggest demographic in Ft. Lauderdale, the newly divorced 30-40 something that wants to party like they are back in college.

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