Ten Fort Lauderdale Guys You've Probably Dated

Categories: Talking Shit

Alex Markow

Fort Lauderdale is known for a few things: spring break, boats, the rich people who own the boats, the weird people who work on the boats, backward laws, and great waterfront properties. One thing it's definitely not known for: its dating scene.

While it can often seem that this city is teeming with attractive, successful young professionals, when it comes to actually dating them, we're often at a loss. Resorting to combing dating websites hardly bolsters the spirit. So what's to blame for the disconnect? Are we too busy playing drunk kickball to realize we're missing out on something real? Or are pickings really just that slim?

Every BroCo gal has compromised her ultimate needs to get some toned booty. And ain't nothing wrong with that. But so you don't feel so alone, we've put together a list of guys in the FTL area that you've probably dated, boned, or sexted.

Flickr: NBA_Photos
Was it one of these three? If so, you made a mistake leaving.
10. The Baller
The Baller, unlike most aspiring athletes, actually went pro. His Pembroke Pines mansion features a life-sized statue of some sort of big cat, probably a tiger. His garage has more cars than Jay Leno's. But you didn't come for the cars; you came for the muscles. Yes, the Baller's got a bod, and you've climbed him like a tree. He'll be your arm candy at a charity event where flashes light the air, but once season comes around or Drake's in town, he disappears. Besides, you don't have much in common with the Baller except that you both like Rick Ross and you both like his pecs.

If the rich old guy you dated looked like Daddy Warbucks, then you'd still be together.
9. The Rich Old Guy
You met at Morton's or maybe Bimini Boat Yard. He bought you and your girlfriend drinks from across the bar, even winked at ya. Sure, he was kind of big and definitely balding, but he had a great sense of humor and a very comfortable lifestyle. After a few steak dinners, sunset rides through the Intracoastal on his boat, and maybe even a Tiffany necklace, you had to end things, because no matter which way you looked at it, you just couldn't imagine yourself sweating up the sheets with daddy-o.

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Ok here's my Top ten chicks in Ft lauderdale that I dated just to be fair:

10. Hot Mess Chick: Dui's, Kids, Ex,Coke, eviction and dick problems.

9. Married for 20 years now divorced: Man is she fun.. for about 3 weeks

8. Fat Chick. Generous as hell in every way. 3 Weeks later, still fat.

7. Super Overly Hot Chik: I thought I got lucky. Man what a mess.

6. The Professional Chik. Always way more everything than me, even if she isn't.

5. Snarky, know it all Jewish chick: Funny, for about a minute till you realize its all insults

4. Dumb Chick: Lasts until the morning you first wake up hungover. 

3. Party Chick. You realize quickly how 1 in a million you are!

2.   Name Dropper Chick: She claims to "Know" Dan Marino 

1. Psycho Chick: Ah yes the one that makes you realize "Stand your Ground" is not enough law to save you.


I guess buddhist surfer dad didn't make the list. Oh well.

Steve Sylus
Steve Sylus

I think this list says a lot more about the women who date them than it does the men.

Rachel R Levy Lewis
Rachel R Levy Lewis

Do I get extra points if I have since forgotten what their names are...? 5/10. Some memories are best severely suppressed. :)


Haha...omg right on with the lawyer or banker!!!! Totally fits the character mold.

funchey1 moderator editor

@mistered Where is said buddhist surfer dad????? Need to find him!

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