Ten Fort Lauderdale Guys You've Probably Dated

Categories: Talking Shit

Christina Mendenhall
He loves that pinball machine more than he loves you.
2. The Gamer
He lives with his mom and subsists off a steady diet of chicken fingers and Coke. You met him on a night out downtown, perhaps Dicey Riley's, and thought his boyish cluelessness was sort of cute, like a puppy is cute. He was a fixer-upper, a project, like, with a new wardrobe and a little elbow grease, this dude could be really something! You quickly caught on that he learned everything he knows about sex from watching porn and took all of his social cues from the gaming world. You also realized it was dumb to believe him when he said he had a four-month plan that involved moving out of his mom's and going back to school to learn computer programming.

1. The Las Olas Power Lawyer
Much like the J Date, the Las Olas Power Lawyer/Banker looks good on the surface, and heck, he even has the brains to keep you entertained for a while. But deep down, he is often depressed, self-loathing, and invariably searching for deeper meaning in his life. This can lead to excessive alcohol consumption. Which is totally OK, unless he starts to spiral downward. He came home from work every day after 9 with a glazed-over look in his eyes and the smell of whiskey emanating from his pores. You realized that he'd probably been drinking since before noon and that he has way too much on his mind to successfully entertain anything other than his own ego... like, say, you.

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Ok here's my Top ten chicks in Ft lauderdale that I dated just to be fair:

10. Hot Mess Chick: Dui's, Kids, Ex,Coke, eviction and dick problems.

9. Married for 20 years now divorced: Man is she fun.. for about 3 weeks

8. Fat Chick. Generous as hell in every way. 3 Weeks later, still fat.

7. Super Overly Hot Chik: I thought I got lucky. Man what a mess.

6. The Professional Chik. Always way more everything than me, even if she isn't.

5. Snarky, know it all Jewish chick: Funny, for about a minute till you realize its all insults

4. Dumb Chick: Lasts until the morning you first wake up hungover. 

3. Party Chick. You realize quickly how 1 in a million you are!

2.   Name Dropper Chick: She claims to "Know" Dan Marino 

1. Psycho Chick: Ah yes the one that makes you realize "Stand your Ground" is not enough law to save you.


I guess buddhist surfer dad didn't make the list. Oh well.

Steve Sylus
Steve Sylus

I think this list says a lot more about the women who date them than it does the men.

Rachel R Levy Lewis
Rachel R Levy Lewis

Do I get extra points if I have since forgotten what their names are...? 5/10. Some memories are best severely suppressed. :)


Haha...omg right on with the lawyer or banker!!!! Totally fits the character mold.

funchey1 moderator editor

@mistered Where is said buddhist surfer dad????? Need to find him!

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