Ten Fort Lauderdale Guys You've Probably Dated

Categories: Talking Shit

4. Radio-Active Hipster
You met on Record Store Day reaching for the same Jacuzzi Boys LP. He has tattoos, piercings, an edgy haircut, and great taste in music. He might even play in a band or DJ on the weekends. He is passionate and artsy, someone you could hold hands with at the FAT Village Art Walk, get some beers with at Laser Wolf, then go home and bone tenderly after smoking a J. For a while, it was like the two of you were living in a movie, the kind where the two lovers tell the conventional world to fuck itself and live a life of romance and adventure. Then you realized you were both broke, but somehow you kept footing the bill. Plus, there was something weird about the way he kept checking out your older brother.

Alex Markow
3. Fort Lauderdale Beach Bro
He's wearing a shirt with tits on it. Or maybe it just says YOLO! He's never without a plastic cup from Fat Tuesday in one hand, unless he's taking a shot. Why'd you hook up with this guy? Well, you met him at the Elbo Room while hosting your best friend's bachelorette party, and he knew all the words to Tom Petty's "American Girl." Your excuse now? He had pretty eyes? Good teeth? He's happened to everyone. Don't beat yourself up.

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Ok here's my Top ten chicks in Ft lauderdale that I dated just to be fair:

10. Hot Mess Chick: Dui's, Kids, Ex,Coke, eviction and dick problems.

9. Married for 20 years now divorced: Man is she fun.. for about 3 weeks

8. Fat Chick. Generous as hell in every way. 3 Weeks later, still fat.

7. Super Overly Hot Chik: I thought I got lucky. Man what a mess.

6. The Professional Chik. Always way more everything than me, even if she isn't.

5. Snarky, know it all Jewish chick: Funny, for about a minute till you realize its all insults

4. Dumb Chick: Lasts until the morning you first wake up hungover. 

3. Party Chick. You realize quickly how 1 in a million you are!

2.   Name Dropper Chick: She claims to "Know" Dan Marino 

1. Psycho Chick: Ah yes the one that makes you realize "Stand your Ground" is not enough law to save you.


I guess buddhist surfer dad didn't make the list. Oh well.

Steve Sylus
Steve Sylus

I think this list says a lot more about the women who date them than it does the men.

Rachel R Levy Lewis
Rachel R Levy Lewis

Do I get extra points if I have since forgotten what their names are...? 5/10. Some memories are best severely suppressed. :)


Haha...omg right on with the lawyer or banker!!!! Totally fits the character mold.

funchey1 moderator editor

@mistered Where is said buddhist surfer dad????? Need to find him!

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