Ten Fort Lauderdale Guys You've Probably Dated

Categories: Talking Shit

You were never as happy as they were with your JDate.
6. The JDate
You met him after your aunt bought you a JDate subscription for Hanukkah. He was decently cute, well-educated, and extremely polite. You liked his sarcastic sense of humor and how he treated you like a goddess every time you went out. He was also probably pretty generous in bed. But his numerous complexes, self-deprecating tendencies, and rambling rants on everything from Obama to yoga grew tiresome. In a strategic final move, you dumped him right before he took you to meet his parents, who were both prominent psychoanalysts.

JC Vera
5. The Craft Beer Nerd
He works at Laser Wolf, the Funky Buddha Brewery, Tap 42, or a craft beer distributor and prides himself on his extensive brew knowledge. He even makes his own small-batch brews at home and talks your ear off on things like hops and yeast ratios, which you thought was kind of cool at first. Then you just hoped whatever new microbrew he was having you sample had a high-enough ABV to make you both drunk enough so that he'd stop talking and just hook up with you already. He was actually in the act of boring you to death. You broke things off after he took you to a local Oktoberfest wearing actual Lederhosen from Germany.

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Ok here's my Top ten chicks in Ft lauderdale that I dated just to be fair:

10. Hot Mess Chick: Dui's, Kids, Ex,Coke, eviction and dick problems.

9. Married for 20 years now divorced: Man is she fun.. for about 3 weeks

8. Fat Chick. Generous as hell in every way. 3 Weeks later, still fat.

7. Super Overly Hot Chik: I thought I got lucky. Man what a mess.

6. The Professional Chik. Always way more everything than me, even if she isn't.

5. Snarky, know it all Jewish chick: Funny, for about a minute till you realize its all insults

4. Dumb Chick: Lasts until the morning you first wake up hungover. 

3. Party Chick. You realize quickly how 1 in a million you are!

2.   Name Dropper Chick: She claims to "Know" Dan Marino 

1. Psycho Chick: Ah yes the one that makes you realize "Stand your Ground" is not enough law to save you.


I guess buddhist surfer dad didn't make the list. Oh well.

Steve Sylus
Steve Sylus

I think this list says a lot more about the women who date them than it does the men.

Rachel R Levy Lewis
Rachel R Levy Lewis

Do I get extra points if I have since forgotten what their names are...? 5/10. Some memories are best severely suppressed. :)


Haha...omg right on with the lawyer or banker!!!! Totally fits the character mold.

funchey1 moderator editor

@mistered Where is said buddhist surfer dad????? Need to find him!

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