Ten Fort Lauderdale Guys You've Probably Dated

Categories: Talking Shit

Alex Broadwell
Yachtie Hottie fixes things, but only till he sets sail again.
8. The Yachtie
You met him one night at McSorley's after your girlfriends dared you to go talk to him. You were mesmerized by his cute South African accent and bronzed forearms, and from what you could remember, he was a really great kisser. But your relationship was doomed from the beginning, since he was at port for only a month, and picture texts to an African phone number cost about $10 a pop.

7. The Prep School Burnout
He went to Pine Crest School. There, he smoked, and probably sold, copious amounts of marijuana while developing a penchant for popping pills. He may have even gotten a DUI and/or a girl pregnant, all before the age of 18. He then went on to a small liberal arts college on the East Coast before moving back to a well-furnished condo in East Fort Lauderdale. He got his law degree from Nova and still hangs out with all his old friends from Pine Crest. Their preppy style and semblance of togetherness were charming at first, but after a while, you realized that all they ever talked about were the last five times they blacked out at their families' houses in the Keys.

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Ok here's my Top ten chicks in Ft lauderdale that I dated just to be fair:

10. Hot Mess Chick: Dui's, Kids, Ex,Coke, eviction and dick problems.

9. Married for 20 years now divorced: Man is she fun.. for about 3 weeks

8. Fat Chick. Generous as hell in every way. 3 Weeks later, still fat.

7. Super Overly Hot Chik: I thought I got lucky. Man what a mess.

6. The Professional Chik. Always way more everything than me, even if she isn't.

5. Snarky, know it all Jewish chick: Funny, for about a minute till you realize its all insults

4. Dumb Chick: Lasts until the morning you first wake up hungover. 

3. Party Chick. You realize quickly how 1 in a million you are!

2.   Name Dropper Chick: She claims to "Know" Dan Marino 

1. Psycho Chick: Ah yes the one that makes you realize "Stand your Ground" is not enough law to save you.


I guess buddhist surfer dad didn't make the list. Oh well.

Steve Sylus
Steve Sylus

I think this list says a lot more about the women who date them than it does the men.

Rachel R Levy Lewis
Rachel R Levy Lewis

Do I get extra points if I have since forgotten what their names are...? 5/10. Some memories are best severely suppressed. :)


Haha...omg right on with the lawyer or banker!!!! Totally fits the character mold.

funchey1 moderator editor

@mistered Where is said buddhist surfer dad????? Need to find him!

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