A Letter to Gus Wenner on His New Position as Editor of RollingStone.com

Categories: Talking Shit

guswenner3.jpg
Gus Wenner's Facebook
Gus may look like a baby but... Well, OK, he's still a baby.
From: Esther Park
Date: Mon, May 20, 2013 at 8:07 PM
Subject: Dear Gus, please hire me!
To: Gus Wenner

Dear Gus,

So I heard the epic news over the myriads of nasty Twitter handles (#gussucks #spoiledbrat #daddysboy #guscantwrite #guscantread) and Gawker newsfeed spewing much haterade towards your new appointment as the editor-in-chief at RollingStone.com.

First off, congratulations on the BIG COUP! I mean, you deserve it. Clearly, your Tumblr and Facebook feed was just a small window into the unlimited depths of your journalistic soul. Granted, the job description on the Wenner Media LLC website clearly showed that you needed: 7+ years experience as lead web editor with the ability to conceive, assign and edit high-level pieces that cover the world of pop music and pop culture.

But folks forget that at the tender age of 10, you were on your first apprentice assignment with the late Hunter S. Thompson. And as you covered the war in Libya...

OK, fine, I'm just making shit up to make you feel better. Anyhoo...

Fuck all the naysayers. All those no-name bloggers saying that you just got hired 'cause your dad, Jann, owns the magazine. They're a bunch of fat, spiteful losers. I mean, so what if you just graduated from college? You're not a loser. You went to Brown! Who's counting all those days you skipped English Lit 101? I know, I'm not.

Oh, and yeah, did these peon pedestrian "normal people" forget that you are in an über successful folky-hipster band called Gus + Scout with your childhood BFF, Scout Willis, Demi and Bruce's daughter? Sure, sure, sure... I mean, I'd never heard of your band until today, and sure, sure, sure, your only viable gig was during SXSW a few months back when you played at the Rock Room hosted by Rolling Stone maga ... well, never mind.

Needless to say, I saw your Vimeo music video which only has about two likes and 5,000 plays. And, whatever, your band ROCKS and hopefully, with your new editorship, we can see a lot more of Gus + Scout online, on the homepage of RollingStone.com, like every day, for eternity.

Enough of me rambling. The reason for my email to you is simply put in my subject heading. Can you please hire me, Gus? I mean, it's been a dream of mine to write for Rolling Stone. I actually have 7-plus years of writing for major music publications (in fact, it's been 13 years and counting) and, unlike you, I did go to college to study real journalism. And unlike you, I'm old and broke and need a job. So please, Gus, give me a chance, will ya!?! I promise I can write witty 250-word reviews of the latest indie band that Pitchfork just covered like the day before! I'm also very in tune with what the "kids" are into these days. Y'know, Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift and stuff? Oh, and not to mention, I love pop culture! If you ever needed a play-by-play on Kim and Kourtney Take Miami, I'm your girl.


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7 comments
ICYMI
ICYMI

icculus, you dumb fuck, he's not in charge of the magazine

icculus17
icculus17 topcommenter

meh, I don't know anyone that still pays for Rolling Stone.  Most music magazines are a joke, I always wondered why no album got less than 4 stars.  The whole industry is self-fellatio

ICYMI
ICYMI

He isn't editor-in-chief. That position's still open. You're a shitty journalist I guess?

heynastie
heynastie

this article is made me throw up a little in my mouth ,,,, and a lot on the floor 

Jon Wasielewski
Jon Wasielewski

That's NO congratulation letter!!! That's called BUTT Smooching/Job solicitation in today's "New Media"........:)

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