Five Best, Wildest, Weirdest Saint Patrick's Day Parties in Fort Lauderdale

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Joseph Schell 
To hell with all those Irish jokes. We know that on Saint Patrick's Day you're just an alcoholic looking for an excuse to worship at the altar of your god Jameson. And Jameson is not a kind deity. He's more like that stepdad who hates you, but takes you out for ice cream before strapping your body with meat and sending you out into a particularly crocodile-infested area of the Everglades.

Green beer is ridiculously fun and Irish car bombs are, oh, so tasty. Pair those indulgences with your lack of self-control, and things will get sloppy on this greenest of holidays. So give in, and accept your fate this April 17. You'll probably end up stealing a leprechaun's virginity instead of its gold. So embrace the drunken perversion with these five most wild St. Paddy's Fort Lauderdale parties.

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Alex Markow
5. Exit 66 Shake Your Shamrocks Party
1 to 7:30 p.m., Sunday, March 17, at Exit 66, 219 S. Ft. Lauderdale Beach Blvd., Fort Lauderdale, on Almond Ave. between Las Olas and Banyon Street. No cover charge. Call 954-830-1245, or email ThePool@Exit66FL.com.
Slither in your skimpiest shamrock bikini, Celtics cap, and green beads. Cause with your vibrating behind, you're going to steal a leprechaun's lump of gold, his booty, if you will. The Shake Your Shamrocks dance contest at Exit 66 presents your butt its moment to find the riches end of the rainbow.

The extravaganza is sponsored by Heineken, Guinness, and Florida Gold Exchange. So the winner of the dance contest will receive one thousand dollars in cold hard gold. First, second, and third place also get chucks of money too, but none you can wear without looking like a stripper. Bull-riding, spray-on tattoos by Utatz, and music by DJ Eran Hersh round out the madness for those with not a lot of junk in the trunk.

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Karen Leeds Blankenship via Facebook
4. Annual Soulicide St. Patrick's Day Party at Cagney's House of Rock 
9 p.m., Saturday, March 16, at Cagney's House of Rock, 5983 S. University Dr., Davie. No cover charge. Call 954-689-0035, or visit cagneysaloon.com

Jump on your hog and put on your snazziest "If you can read this, the bitch fell off" tee -- the one with a leprechaun thrusting its pelvis -- and ride over to Davie. Soulicide is bringing a little sonic darkness, with G'N'R covers, and light, with bright lasers, to this very green annual party at Cagney's House of Rock. Green jello shots made with melon (not lime) and drink specials on car bombs will have you munching at the either cheap or free Irish buffet, which presumably serves Guinness with a side of cabbage.


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