Andrew W.K. Lands Huge Crotch-Wipe Endorsement; Five Intimate Items He Should Promote Next

By Matt Preira Sat., Mar. 9 2013 at 6:26 PM

Categories: Useless Lists

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3. "Party Hairless" Pube Trimmer by AWK
According to Our Imagination -- a vile criminal and notorious chronic public masturbator -- Andrew W.K.'s testicles are smoother than bowling balls. But twice as big.

2. Andrew Wilkes-Krier presents, "She is Beautiful (and Packing Heat)" Strap-On Prosthetic Penis and Strobe Light
In the increasingly day-glo EDM-obsessed Age of Ultra, everybody and their corny cousin from back home is poppin' a Molly, forcibly shoving glow sticks into every available orifice, and making out with trees. And this is, like, during the work week. There's no doubt that pop electronica has dosed and sexualized pop culture to an extent that we haven't seen since the dawn of Flower Power. W.K. needs to capitalize on horn-e-music, and pronto.

1. Penis Sock Puppets, Andrew W.K., and The Singularity
At this point, we're pretty much just sitting around waiting for The Singularity a.k.a. that sweet, sweet moment when the entire planet is converted into a Rubix Cube shaped Borg-like entity with one monochromatic consciousness constituted by 1s and 0s. Needless to say, we're bored and could use some entertainment. Can you think of anything more entertaining than Puppetry of the Sock Puppet Penis as performed by Andrew W.K.?

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