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Andrew W.K. Lands Huge Crotch-Wipe Endorsement; Five Intimate Items He Should Promote Next

Categories: Useless Lists
ANDREWWWK.jpg
Andrew W.K.'s private parts are cleaner than a freshly buffed Ferrari.
Andrew W.K. has announced a new partnership with Playtex's "Fresh and Sexy" wipes.

The product is designed to sanitize the biological fulcrums of humanoid mammals following the embarrassing shitshow they call "sexual intercourse."

We are proud of AWK for momentarily taking off his party hat and donning the tasteful cap of a man with testicles cleaner than an operating room.

And now that he's gone there, we can't help but imagine all sorts of other intimate items we would like to see the feel-good guru promote next.

See also

andrewwkbuttwipesbidet.jpg


5. Andrew W. Bidet
North Americans don't realize that they walk around with deplorable, filth-caked bootyholes. Maybe Andrew W.K. could be the one who finally civilizes the doo-doo denying West by introducing these fecal-mongers (and their bootyholes) to the divine cleanliness (and exotique pleasure) of a fire hose jet stream of cleansing H20. He could be the anus-oriented John The Baptist.

andrewwkcrotchwipescatheter.jpg


4. Andrew W.K.'s "I Wanna See You Go Wild" Catheter
For the average norm, "going wild" entails drinking alcohol and raising their voice. But Andrew W.K. wants to see you go wild, which entails nothing short of throwing yourself with wild nihilistic abandon into the most savage zones of the circle pit while wearing a fully-loaded catheter. Spraying pure pee-pee all over a bunch of moshing mooks is truly some hard fucking partying. 


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