Ten Things That Will Get You Laid on Spring Break

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The time has come again to hit on sauced-up college kids way outta your league and appropriate age group. It's spring break!

Blend in discretely. Thankfully, the local shops along A1A have plenty of funky-colored T-shirts with catchy phrases. Every item is guaranteed to draw attention, without piquing the suspicion of a young horny coed. The trick is knowing what kind of vibe you want to give off.

Allow us to be your guide as your peruse the aisles of your favorite Fort Lauderdale beach gift shop. As connoisseurs of tacky shit, following our advice will get you laid. Enjoy this list, and remind the wedding photographer to tag us on Instagram.

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10. One Direction Shorts
If you want to have everyone wondering if you are: 1. Really into the boy band One Direction, or 2. Against the idea of anal, or 3. Both, then these are the short shorts for you! Start a heated debate with your friends and perfect strangers. Let them know where you stand. This butthole is an EXIT ONLY.

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9. Gangnam Style
So what if Psy retired his mega hit for, you know, fear of overexposure? This hot pink number still serves as a milestone in the song's trajectory toward irrelevance. Now, it's a memento of the greatest tune that (thankfully) Psy will not be performing again. Who needs swag anyway? Not you! You're a Fort Lauderdale spring breaker! Everyone gets laid!


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