The Worst Valentine's Day Mixtape Ever
Categories: Being Nice, Useless Lists
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We hope you've stocked up on chocolate, condoms and lube, 'cause Valentine's Day is upon us. With a little bit of preparation and persuasion, you'll be well on your way to using at least one of those goodies, maybe two. Only those well trained in the art of love get to utilize all three.
To guide you on your romantic excursion, we've created a list of songs that you should avoid playing for your lover at all costs. Only use these songs if you're absolutely sure that you've had enough of your Valentine, and to gorge on all of that chocolate and lube yourself.
10. Barenaked Ladies - "One Week"
This song will kill the passion quicker than you can say "Chinese chicken." Go ahead. Try and get laid with this playing in the background.
9. Usher - "Confessions Part 2"
Your lover's heart will drop hard the moment they realize you're on part two of a three-part confession. The first part will be a blow, but wait... There's more?! By the time you get started on part three, they're already lighting your undies on fire on the front lawn.
8. Tina Turner - "What's Love Got to Do With It"
Valentine's Day is also the perfect moment to dump someone, if you want to be a complete asshole. What better way to end a relationship than by telling your special someone that you're not interested in investing in them emotionally? After, you can sock 'em in the eye and piss on their cat on the way out the door.
7. Mr. Big - "To Be With You"
This is the ultimate beta male anthem. Everyone has that friend that lurks in the background of a relationship, watching, waiting for their chance to pounce. This is the tune they're playing on Valentine's Day for your disgusted girlfriend. There's plenty of fish in the sea, bro.
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