Britney Spears Quits X-Factor and Embraces EDM! Next Stop: MDMA Meltdown!!

Categories: Talking Shit
Did Britney trade X-Factor for XTC?
Last night, TMZ broke the news that Britney Spears would not be returning as a judge on Reality TV talent show and American Idol-knockoff, The X-Factor.

The gossip e-rag also reported, via anonymous insider, that Spears is considering recording a new album and getting back on her tour grind.

We suspect that this recent erratic behavior involves nothing less than a vast moronic conspiracy involving Brit, Will.I.Am., MDMA, and even MDNA. That's right: Madonna!

Cue the violins and select the noir-est Instagram filter, 'cause this plot is thick.

Wait, did we ever figure out if that's actually Britney Spears in the above video? It looks like her. So, at the very least, it's like, an approximation of what it would look like if Britney Spears was the subject of a sketchy, shadowy interrogation, on ecstasy.

Let us theorize, or shapeshift for a moment.

You're on the other side of the glass, the camera, which to Britney, who is rolling her face off, is a mirror, and you're stroking. Your beard. No. Your goatee. And even if it's not Britney, it's close enough that at one point or another you encountered a quantifiable degree of belief that lingers even though most of you subscribes to the digest that lists the myriad, well-founded reasons that it's not actually Britney Spears, but just some anonymous jabroni that looks and sounds like Britney Spears, on drugs.

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Patrick Garcia
Patrick Garcia

I hear Cheap Miami is going to release her cassette

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