If there's anything that we at New Times know how to do, it's party. And if there's anything you should seek our advice on, it's how to ring in the new year. Because, folks, let's be real: This is the most important decision you will make all year.
Selecting the perfect place to celebrate New Year's Eve is about as life-altering as which college to attend or when to have a baby. What happens on December 31 determines your good or lame fortune over the next 365 days. It's true. Ask a scientist or a Mayan.
Fortunately for you, we've done all the legwork and tastemaking. We have hunted down all the good parties, from the most glamorous to the cheapest. So do yourself a favor and take our advice. You might wake up with a stranger snoring beside you and one helluva hangover, but at least you'll know this year won't be a sexless one for you yet again.
Remember, all these happen on Monday, December 31.
10. War of the Worlds Block Party. With Jacuzzi Boys, Resolvers, Parallels, Astrea Corp, Killmama, Casey Hopkins Duo, Walk of Shame, and Killbillies. 8 p.m. in the 500 block of Clematis Street, West Palm Beach; visit nye500block.com. Tickets cost $10 to $75. Age 21 and up.
Now that you've survived the Mayan apocalypse, it's time to battle it out with the aliens. Scheduled to touch down on New Year's Eve, it seems the little green men have a taste for psych rock and block parties. Who knew? Perhaps this would've helped Mulder and Scully in proving their existence.
Humans, not aliens, will transform the 500 block strip of Clematis Street into an alien invasion zone, complete with live music from the Jacuzzi Boys, Astrea Corp, and the Casey Hopkins Duo. Expect confetti canons, a laser light show, and go-go dancers slathered in body paint. You know, all the necessities for when aliens attack. But remember, when the clock strikes midnight, you might want to think twice before kissing the stranger next to you.
9. Kid Rock DJ Set. 9 p.m. at Passion Nightclub, 5701 Seminole Way, Hollywood; call 954-321-3443, or visit passionnightclub.com. Tickets cost $75 to $4,000, plus fees. Age 21 and up.
Despite not wanting to buy his records, we can't help but be curious about what a Kid Rock DJ set might include. Will his playlist be all country rock goes dubstep? Will he manage to throw in his own music? Maybe a few Yelawolf songs, including the one he's featured on? Can he actually spin records, or is he a poser who uses an iPod playlist? So many things that need answering! Thankfully, his post-NYE concert party at Passion Nightclub will offer the big reveal. Instead of champagne, you'll toast in 2013 with Kid Rock's own brand of beer, American Badass.