Justin Bieber's Hamster Hijinks Lands Degenerate Pop Star in Hot Water with Hippies

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The California Hamster Association is going after Justin Bieber.
Sure, Miley Cyrus has been two-hand-clutching a ho's big booty like an artisanal baker kneading dough for a homemade loaf.

But -- if you ask us -- the real "Pop Star Turns Degenerate" story of 2012 centers around the one and only Justin Bieber.

Ever since Biebz broke Selena Gomez's heart, the barely legal heartthrob has plummeted like a barrel down Niagra Falls into a salacious downward spiral of sin that has included supermodels and run-ins with the Fuzz

But none of that could have prepared anyone -- Biebz, his fanbase, the bottom-feeding-blogosphere -- for the latest scandal involving the singer, a young female friend, and the California Hamster Association.

TMZ reports that JB is getting mad shit from the CHA for giving his pet hamster, PAC, to a hysterical fan after a concert.

According to these hamster hippies, Bee-Bee should be held responsible for "animal cruelty" because,

"...hamsters are fragile creatures that often succumb quickly to illness and death, especially when faced with sudden environmental change. The moment that hamster was handed off to a screaming girl in a harsh, frenzied environment was likely the moment it gazed at the short path to its doom."

Obviously, we think they should reopen Alcatraz, toss in Bieber, and throw away the key.

But there's one thing we're not quite sure about. Do we call our new metal band Hamster Doom or the Doomed Hamsters?


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