Best and Worst of the S.S. Coachella

By Liz Tracy Thu., Dec. 20 2012 at 1:14 PM

Categories: Coachella, Cruising, S.S. Coachella

Ian Witlen

The S.S. Coachella returned safely Wednesday morning after a relatively wobbly night's sail across the Caribbean Sea. The voyage was a success. The boat didn't sink, and constant forced Purell-ing kept us all from contracting tropical illnesses or just the flu from our diseased shipmates.

Three days, 400 meals, 30 cocktails, 15 clothing changes, and probably like 50 concerts later, arriving back on U.S. soil was a relief but also left us wanting more. Meals, that is. Oh, and concerts.

After a day of reflection, it's clear that there were absolutely awesome things about the trip and some other things that were not so great. Here's the best and worst of the S.S. Coachella.

The Worst

Ian Witlen

She's not posing. She's trying to keep her balance.

Choppy seas. We were on a boat, so not surprisingly, it felt like we were on a boat. But right now, at home, 24 hours later, I still have the sensation that I'm onboard.

If you love the high seas, then you might not even have noticed your carrots rolling into your mashed potatoes as the ship lurched side to side. Who knows? Maybe the movement helped get some people laid, falling all over each other on the dance floor.

It wasn't that it was too choppy, but being out there on the Atlantic, the feeling of vertigo and movement makes ya sleepy, as did the Bonine. So basically, it was hard to stay up for late shows even though late shows are the doggone best.

Ian Witlen

At least this mouth-breathing pool-vert has good taste in music.

Pool-verts. The ship was populated by a lot of gays, Australians, Spaniards, South Americans, tons of people from L.A., execs, artist handlers, and then cruise perverts. These guys hung out by the pool mostly and did a lot of panting and staring. Their purpose on that ship was to either show their ass cracks to people or get their tongues in your ears. I could have really enjoyed more of the DJ sets on the deck if they'd not been lurking about. But hey, at least I saw some booty cracks.