Top Ten Worst Holiday Songs
|Rudolph with his nose so bright: Reason enough to protest the exploitation of animals|
The sounds of the season - those so-called holiday classics - are often capable of driving us to drink, so much so that we could out-chug drunken revelers like Uncle Fred himself.
With that in mind, we offer ten top holiday songs that stink worse than frankincense and myrrh.
10. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"
Talk about perversion! The kids wait all year for a visit from the jolly old elf and what happens? He starts making out with mom? Never mind it's dad in that oversized suit, or so the song implies. The kids are fooled, much in the same way that Clark Kent's co-workers find his glasses the only shield needed to guard his identity as Superman. But in this case it's a totally traumatic encounter, the children watching as a lecherous old man fondles their mom. What's next? "I Saw Mommy giving Santa Claus a Hummer?" You never know where all that making out is going to lead.
9. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"
On the surface, it's a good old tale, a narrative about how the oddball becomes as hero once the old man summons him to duty. But c'mon -- is that fair to put that pressure on Rudolph, just because he's got the shiny red nose? As if he's not self-conscious already! Isn't that kinda taking advantage. sort of like telling a kid in a wheelchair, "Work up some speed, we'll stand on our skateboards and hitch a ride behind you!" Hell, that's the essence of political incorrectness as far as we're concerned.