MTV's Video Music Awards Suck, Here Are 10 (More) Reasons Why
|Will Kanye make the 2012 VMAs less of a snooze than last year's?|
Music Television is a fiction. At one point, somewhere around 1992, it was a real thing. But now, the chief network responsible for providing us with concurrent melodic and visual entertainment has devolved into a 24/7 Jerry Springer-style faux-reality marathon. So why MTV still annually presents the sham that is the Video Music Awards completely baffles us. Shouldn't they be granting awards to, like, Pauly D's hair dresser? Or maybe to whomever has the truest life or is the youngest teen to procreate?
Either way, the network insists on hosting the VMAs. And, therefore, we insist on letting you know why it's a total fucking joke.
10. Green Day is Performing
You know you're in trouble when the edgiest act on your lineup is the Grateful Dead of tweenager pop-pseudo-punk. Additionally, Green Day has already played like a dozen or so VMAs. We would rather watch Kid Rock suck on a titty at the Republican National Convention than see Billie Joe Armstrong et al. hog the spotlight again.
9. Alicia Keys is Ripping off Erykah Badu and/or Janelle Monae
Hey, when did Alicia Keys transform from a cross between Stevie Wonder and Ashley Simpson into the poor-man's psych soul sista? Leave the mind music to the professionals, honey.