Eight Pleasantly Plump Female Musicians We'd Like to Get Down With

Categories: Is It Wrong?
Sarcasm doesn't always come across in writing, and it certainly didn't in this post. I get why commenters below called this "the most insulting thing on the Internet," and that's why it has been removed. New Times regrets the offense we've caused and hopes you'll stick with us in our next attempt at sarcasm. -- Eric Barton

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59 comments
anonaodnasfjklhndfsk
anonaodnasfjklhndfsk

Those who have no sense of humor or self-deprecation should go live in caves. Society was not made to cater to the exclusive few who can not handle the sight of something that disagrees with them. Doubly so for the Internet, where the content filters of etiquette and political correctness are firmly wedged in the "OFF" position. Finally, remember, you easily-offended kiddies: you can always go somewhere else.

leah.bristol26
leah.bristol26

Oh come the f*** on people. I pray that GWAR kills us all soon, this offense to everything is beyond annoying.

Rpwk
Rpwk like.author.displayName 1 Like

Michelle Obama I suppose is being demeaning and hurtful to shed light on the fact that this nation has the highest percentage of obese people than any other, and we should take responsility and act to improve ourselves.  I didn't get to read the article, but fat people taking offense and causing it to be censored is just wrong.

Rpwk
Rpwk like.author.displayName 1 Like

I don't know why, but the title and photo lead me to this article, only to find that it had been censored?!!!!  wtF?  I probably would have gotten the sarcasm. 

KennyPowersII
KennyPowersII like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

What article? It seems to be MIA.  Anyone have a mirror site? Censorship at any level is regressive and stupid. Repost the article says the masses.

Diana L Palmer
Diana L Palmer like.author.displayName 1 Like

Gosh...wish I could've read it!  Everyone seems so totally disgruntled by the article.  Durn the luck!

Diana L Palmer
Diana L Palmer

GOSH!! Wish I could've read it!  Everyone seems so totally outraged!  Durn the luck! 

Mo Collings
Mo Collings like.author.displayName 1 Like

Shouldn't have taken it down. The truth hurts. If women are offended, they should get on a treadmill and stop being so selfish. Put down the brownie and love yourself a little. Obesity KILLS...it's not cute, it's not sexy...it's KILLING YOU. 

Alex Clements
Alex Clements

Says the woman who's cover photo is her eating a giant turkey leg and drinking beer. Your comment is disgusting and ignorant. Be a little more sensitive and considerate to others when commenting and keep in mind that obesity isn't always a choice and not everyone has a metabolism or genes just like yours. Grow up.

lol
lol

Eight Pleasantly Plump Female Musicians We’d Like to Get Down WithThis isn’t just some late-night hookup. This isn’t standing around a bar, waiting for the closing moments before the doors are being locked and snatching up some stumbling, desperate straggler. This is about loving some BBWs. The women with curves blowing out doors and back fat sloshing over bra straps. The entertainment industry may be the most shallow industry in the world, and for that fact alone, bigger girls who manage to make it have to have sex appeal times a million. This list isn’t about proclaiming exceptions or wearing a strong enough pair of beer goggles; it’s about acknowledging that even the big girls need some love, and we’re down to give to ‘em.

Jessica SimpsonMmmm mmmm mmmm. Mmmmm. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Goodness. In the next several years, a time machine will be invented and will send Simpson back in time to pose for Sandro Botticelli’s The Birth of Venus. It doesn’t matter how big Simpson gets; she stays as dumb and sexy as ever. Any man would happily give up everything to live with Simpson in a trailer and feed her KFC Blackjack Sandwiches. It’s the next best thing to heaven. Or hell.

AdeleTalent and kankles aside, Adele sits comfortably on that “just almost not ashamed to be seen out in public with her” line. Sure, on our first date, we can hit up the Cypress Creek Regal Cinemas, but there’s no way we’re heading out to the Muvico 18. Just for the cost of popcorn alone.

Aretha FranklinNo one should ever turn down some old-school R&B lovin’ from the queen herself. Aretha even had that brief period of time around the original Blues Brothers movie where she was looking tight. But that version of Aretha rolled down the fried-chicken-and-waffles mountain a long time ago.The most impressive thing about Aretha’s size, as my mother loves to point out, “She has got the biggest boobs I’ve ever seen.” And if that’s your thing, then we’ve got the soul singer for you.

Christina AguileraCan we all be in agreement that the recently rounder and more Snookieesque Aguilera is sexier than when she was an 85-pound waif? Anybody? Maybe too much revelation of personal preferences.Still, perhaps it’s all just been a matter of karma (and a couple of thousand doughnuts) that after releasing a string of hypersexual music videos and changing her name to Xtina, she also transformed into a real-life Professor Sherman Klump. Just please don’t mention the Etta James Tribute, runny-vagina-substance incident; otherwise, we’ll have to rip her name off this list and immediately flush it down the toilet like a… well, you get the point.

Sinead O’ConnorStraight up, this is a pity bang. Sinead was so hot in the ’90s, especially when she tore up the picture of the pope on Saturday Night Live, that we guarantee in the throes of lovemaking, our eyes will be pressed firmly closed replaying that moment in our imaginations over and over again. Lest we want to suffer horrible emotional scarring.

Jennifer HudsonWould it be incredibly wrong to make fun of a person who had her entire family murdered? Yes. So you do your thing, girl. New Times loves ya.

Beth Ditto of GossipThis is a stretch. This is a very massive, massive stretch. But any girl who’s good enough for Rick Rubin is good enough for us. If we were dating Ditto, we’d happily cheer for her in the first row of Gossip concerts, patiently waiting for her to finish her set with towel and vanilla ice cream in hand. We got your back, sweetie. Well, us and a couple of friends — there’s a lot of ground to cover.

Carnie WilsonUnfortunately for Carnie Wilson, her on-tour sex life revolved around the guys who were rejected by both Chynna Phillips and Wendy Wilson yet still wanted to get “close” to the band.

But trust us: This is a risk well worth taking. Just like Michael Jordan always wore a massive chip on his shoulder after being cut from his JV high school basketball team, Carnie is going to put in that extra work to be the best in the game. Mainly out of spite and particularly out of hatred. Just the way lovemaking should be.

Ben
Ben

 George Carlin once said [something to the effect] that a comedian's job is to identify where the line is and then cross it anyway.

I think Ric Delgado's tongue was--fairly clearly--planted in cheek when he wrote this article, and I don't think he's an overt misogynist. And as an edgy comedy writer, Delgado took a chance and crossed the line. But the problem isn't that he crossed it, it's that he never bothered to understand where the line is drawn.

Is Delgado even dimly aware of the raging debate about women's health? How could he have possibly written this piece of garbage if not for utter indifference to the national controversy?

Why on God's Green Earth did he think that the National Conversation needed his tone-deaf sense of irony? Did he honestly think that a wink of his eye would protect him from this fallout? Delgado's indifference to women's rights is nearly as offensive as the GOP's assault against them.

And it's simply baffling that any editorial staff would green-light this inflammatory nonsense.

Joanna ♫
Joanna ♫

Adele, Aretha, Beth, xtina, and Jessica  who were the other 3?

cljahn
cljahn

I don't know what's more disturbing; that anyone thought that putrid article was entertaining, or that Barton believes he's issued an appropriately apologetic retraction.

And Eric, that's NOT sarcasm.  It boggles my mind that anyone pays you money to edit anything.

Eric Barton
Eric Barton

New Times freelancer Arielle Castillo has penned a response to the original blog that was posted here. She did a good job capturing how, I think, many of you (me too, actually) felt about the original story. 

http://blogs.browardpalmbeach....

loudersoft
loudersoft

Here's my attempt at sarcasm: I can't guarantee I'll always know the difference between right and wrong.  But one thing's for certain: from now on, I guarantee I'll be reading the Broward Palm Beach Times Blog when I want insightful commentary on the entertainment biz

Duncan
Duncan

oh yeah, total sarcasm

see, that is sarcasm. the post that used to occupy this webspace was exemplary of a deeply rooted problem in our society, and putting it on us saying that "we didn't get the sarcasm" instead of owning that you fucked up and deciding not to publish demeaning and hurtful trash anymore is the reason why you and your rag are fucked. FUCK YOU!

steph
steph

Sarcasm, sure. Even saying it was satirical would be more believable. This is a really half-assed "apology" if you ask me.

Jean
Jean like.author.displayName 1 Like

Delgado’s crime is that he’s not very smart and he lacks judgment... and talent. He himself openly admits (on his podcast with a former cheerleader) that he can’t judge if things are funny or not. His article hit a nerve because it was offensive and he had the poor judgment to think it was funny. I mean, sure it was cloaked in the hilarity of misogony and racism. He wrote an intentionally antagonistic and disrespectful piece about women musicians who "we" would all like to get down with? Where do “we” even begin with this guy’s lack of impressiveness?

mango
mango

I had a chance to read the garbage that Ric Delgado wrote before it was removed.

With racism and hate prejudices in Florida being the focus of current national and international media news, I find the timing of this article particularly perplexing.

How Eric Barton can make excuses for Delgado and pass this off as "sarcasm that doesn't come across" and not see it as a racist, misogynist fat-shaming hate rant is mind boggling.If the Broward Palm Beach New Times has any editorial standards, self-respect and sense of decency it will issue a statement that Mr Delgado's writing services will no longer be required. 

Eric Barton
Eric Barton

I hear what you're saying, @61edc6fce25812f4e05da8a9a727d704:disqus . You're right that there's too much hate and racism out there, and I certainly don't want this newspaper or blog to be part of it.

That said, Ric is a talented writer who made a mistake. I'm betting you've made a few yourself, and hopefully your employer has been understanding. Hell, I've made many myself, but what's important is that we learn from them and make sure it's not repeated.

Phil Varlese
Phil Varlese

 I know Mango.  He's made mistakes in life.  So have I.  With that said, our mistakes have never insulted or been so condescending to such a large (in numbers.....stop the fat jokes) group of people.I'm old enough to remember Howard Cosell's famous quote "Look at that little monkey run" that cost him his job with ABC on Monday Night Football.  The black community rallied at the insult, and Cosell was gone.Cosell learned from his mistake as well, but it cost him his job.  His words were never repeated by him again.I suppose however, that the New Times is above all that.  After all, it's only the fatties we're talking about, right? By the way, I'd be shocked if this comment was posted.  I've already had one comment on this article deleted.  Way to go, guys.  You want editorial freedom, but won't allow readers to comment.

Tie Wrap
Tie Wrap

Yeah it's been removed, but how/why did it get published in the first place? Because you weren't aware of your own undercurrent of bigotry until it was commented on.

Eric Barton
Eric Barton

No, @facebook-505800807:disqus , we haven't removed any comments from this thread. Our system does reject items with links or certain words that look like spam (although, apparently, it allowed a previous item about junk cars).

@21037a58a56be131daa9f783d2119400:disqus , I'm sorry to hear you think I'm feeble minded, but know that I do take this whole thing seriously. This is the first time ever that we've taken down a post. This is the first time ever, in my two decades in journalism, that I've been accused of misogyny, or supporting it in my writers. It's simply not something we do here at New Times, and that's why this item has been removed.

Jean
Jean

Ric is hell-bent on making such "mistakes". His entire m.o. is based in being offensive. That isn't "talent" and his article wasn't "sarcasm". This publication shares Ric's lack of integrity and its editors are as feeble-minded as he is.

Martin Giannini
Martin Giannini

Guys, GUYS: 'cording to the editors, it was SARCASM all along! Our feebly underdeveloped senses of humor clearly didn't pick up on the NEXT LEVEL SHIT being offered to us. But in all seriousness, I don't see how identifying the (now defunct) article as "sarcasm" in any way makes it less offensive. If anything it makes it much MORE offensive, considering the implication that any article even dissembling to identify fat chicks as attractive must be AN EXERCISE IN HILARIOUS IRONY.

Wow.
Wow. like.author.displayName 1 Like

This is probably the most disgusting article that has ever been written or published. I am honestly offended not only for the people who were disgraced in this article, but for the other people who write for this publication and the field of journalism as a whole. Ric Delgado probably finds this article and all of its responses endlessly amusing. I just feel sorry for you that your life is so pathetic, you're left to write this kind of crap.

Citizen Jane
Citizen Jane

Do not feed the trolls. This article is link bait. Remove links to it. Write the editor. Write their advertisers.

Equal Value
Equal Value

cell 786-454-5735WE BUY JUNK CARSCASH $400/$450COMPRO CARROSREPLY 2 STOPcel 786-454-5736

Ex Norwegian
Ex Norwegian

The category is "Is It Wrong?" I enjoyed this very much. Horribly wrong. That's the point. I get more offended at stuff like TuPac holograms and Nicki Minaj's tribute to pedo-snuffproducing-satanist Roman Polanski.

Kitty Amsbry
Kitty Amsbry like.author.displayName 1 Like

This is beyond insulting --- to the artists and the people like me who were curious enough to click on "the worst thing ever written on the internet." I wish I could un-read this.

Fago
Fago

With so many people reading this article and the comments, I want to take this opportunity to endorse ICP for the internet awards!

Kitty Amsbry
Kitty Amsbry

This is beyond insulting to everyone --- to the artists and the people like me who were curious enough to look at "the worst thing ever written on the internet." I wish I could un-read this. 

Gio
Gio

I wish I was taller. Just sayin.

Lenny Bruce
Lenny Bruce

the most insulting thing is that Carnie Wilson is on this list. Too easy. The whole article is just low hanging fruit. My comedy instincts are insulted. 

Oh and the other stuff people mentioned too. 

But first the easy joke part.

Phil Varlese
Phil Varlese like.author.displayName 1 Like

1.  A similar article has already been written, the difference being that it was written by someone who really has an appreciation for fat chicks, not like this writer.http://blogs.laweekly.com/west...

2.  If you think Sinead O'Connor is plump, you likely have far more issues than this article shows.

3.  Showing a woman who is a spokesperson for Weight Watchers (Jennifer Hudson), assumes that some of the women mentioned here would prefer not to be "plump" as you call it, but that is not the case.

This article is full of fat shaming and ignorance.  Perhaps the writer would consider taking a position with Vince McMahon's WWE, which encourages this type of writing.

Duncan
Duncan

this is a joke right? yall got hacked i assume... i don't know who you pissed off but someone broke in and made your "paper" look like an insulting, assbackwards, uncultured, scum-rag.

Brook Haley
Brook Haley

I would definitely love to get down with whoever writes Ric Delgado's termination letter. If you can't even spell the name of one of these amazing and talented people, why should you be allowed to write about them, much less anything else, whether this article is serious, funny, your-own-tongue-in-your-butt-cheek, or some other approach. It fails. You fail as a writer and as a human being.

Vic Delgado
Vic Delgado

you know how sometimes people say, "it's funny you just don't get it" -- that is not the case here, we get it, it's just not funny.

Heather
Heather like.author.displayName 1 Like

Wow - The New Times has really gone down the drain. What a disrespectful article. This is not journalism.

loudersoft
loudersoft

You know that awful piece that someone wrote a couple of months ago that people thought was the worst thing ever written on the internet? Well, congratulations, this is worse.

lauriewrites
lauriewrites

I wonder if Chevy and Target (the ads I see on this page) know that their dollars support this kind of racist and misogynistic garbage? 

very good article
very good article

in all seriousness, as someone who has had a few very small pieces picked up by this paper, this article makes me question if i ever want to tell anyone that ever again.

Dominic
Dominic

OUT WITH IT _ WHO ARE YOU?

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