Ten Things You Need to Survive Spring Break in Fort Lauderdale
This week, thousands of people looking to score and chug are gathering on the shores in front of Beach Place, like baby turtles running toward the moonlit ocean. Spending a week wasted while still doing things walking and applying sunscreen is not an easy task. Thus, we have compiled ten things you'll need to get through this strange and stupid week of "fun, fun, fun." Enjoy.
|And your most serious look.|
The major thing that differentiates a spring break in Wyoming from one in Fort Lauderdale is the beach. That's why you've come to this city, to sit on the sand and slurp a Fat Tuesdays bev. Also, make sure it's a cute one, never know when you'll end up in a booty shaking/wet T-shirt/best bod contest. As they say, be prepared, and look your best.
Maybe lugging your Nalgene around Beach Place is a bit nerdy, but, hello, you need to hydrate! Hours roasting in the sun and days of consuming pure booze will make you sick, unless you refresh with Mother Earth's most delightful nectar: water.
|A hat doesn't hurt either.|
Cause there's nothing funny about cancer.
|There are 12-year old out there saying: who's that?|
The sun is brighter in Fort Lauderdale than it is in Boston. Wear those Wayfarers, look like you're cool, you've got your finger on the pulse of awesomeness, and enjoy the surf and sand.
|But seriously, don't you dare litter in the ocean, or we and this dolphin will find you.|
6. A bag
This bag should be plastic. It is a bag to puke in after you've pickled yourself silly with booze, booze, and more booze.
5. A cute friend
You're walking down the beach, you want a cute friend by your side. This friend will have you jumping to the front of lines left and right. Love your cute friend.
|Stand up so we can see if you're the cute friend or the ugly one.|
4. An ugly friend
Because you have to keep yourself looking good for the pickin'. Come on now.
|Where the hell are ya?|
You gotta wear those neon boardshorts, otherwise, how will your friends find you amidst the thousands of other violently sunburnt backs littering the sand?
2. Beer accessories
You thought you retired these after your freshman year. Bring these babies back. Put that beer helmet on an open up your throat. So bad it's good.
1. Your self-respect
You might think this is something you'd have to leave at home to have a good time out there during spring break, but you're wrong. You can still get dumb and drunk and then forget everything nuts you did the night before and maintain some dignity. You see, blacking out serves a purpose. It allows you to walk back onto that plane home to Cincinnati with your head held high, oblivious to memories of a slutty spring break.
Happy spring breaking!
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