Dispatches From the High Seas: a Real Bruise Cruise Experience with Vockah Redu and Kyp Malone

Categories: On a Boat
vockah_redu_400.jpg
Sweet abs.
Under normal circumstances, when a guy pukes on your arm while you are washing your hands in the men's bathroom sink, it's a pitifully horrible experience. But this reporter just so happens to be on the Carnival Imagination, reveling in the three day rock 'n' roll madness that is the second annual Bruise Cruise, so it was actually a positive. 

Positive you may ask? Yes, indeed, in the ultimate making lemons out of lemonade adage, after washing off the intestinal shards that landed on my forearm, the kind gentleman from San Francisco sincerely apologized. He then proceeded to purchase the rest of this reporter's booze beverages for the evening. Good thing too, because at that point (1:30 a.m.) the bar tab this reporter had drummed up just so happened to be exponentially larger than the check he will receive for writing this very post you are reading.


Anyhow, with fruity drinks in hand, the two of us stumbled our way into the Xanadu Lounge to experience "New Orleans Bounce" style hip-hop, delivered by a glittered-up rapper called Vockah Redu. If David Bowie and Jay-Z ever had a lovechild (granted out of wedlock with Beyoncé, and what a great story that would be!) Mr. Redu might be it. 

Redu takes a refreshingly frivolous approach to his rap, his rhymes more hands-up-in-the-air party anthems than "I'm-more-gangster-than-you" stabs. He also seems to spend some serious time on the abs machine. The dude had the most chiseled abs this straight reporter has ever seen. Apparently, they call his style "sissy bounce," amongst journalist circles. I guarantee you though, there is absolutely nothing fucking "sissy" about Redu's set. Lil' Wayne and Birdman stated out in this subculture, that should give him enough cred, and it's totally gravy train when you're knocking a few back and having a good time.

There is a certain random quirkiness to being on the Bruise Cruise. For instance, you might find yourself doing the muster drill next to Kyp Malone from TV on the Radio, or perhaps standing waiting line waiting to pee next to Fucked Up's Damian Abraham; These are the type of situations you will find yourself in while you are Bruise Cruising. 

While doing the drill, in our life vest gear, we lean over to Kyp and ask, "So what brings you on the Bruise Cruise this year?" 

"I heard about it last year after Thee Oh Sees did it, and it sounded like fun." Kyp replied. 

Admittley a little buzzed at this time we asked, "Having a good time so far?" 

"Absolutely. I had a little too many sugary alcohol drinks before eating, but I think I found the balance now."

This has been Alex Rendon reporting live from the Bruise Cruise, not finding any balance whatsoever. 

Also read  Miami New Times' S. Pajot reporting by tweet and photos from the Bruise Cruise. 


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