Happy Birthday, Daniel Ash! Ten Ways He's Hotter, Makes a Better Vampire, Than Edward Cullen
|Vampires smile rarely.|
The dark, glam musician of Bauhaus, Tones on Tail, and Love & Rockets fame turns 54 today, but he has aged well.
Here are ten reasons he's more desirable and would make a better vampire than... we'll choose Twilight's Edward Cullen as our opposing vamp. Just because R-Patz has all the girls going wild right now doesn't mean Ash doesn't have the upper hand.
10). Edward Cullen can't pull off the sensuality shown here as Daniel Ash sings "So Alive" in Love & Rockets. Edward walks like he has a stick up his ass.
9). Before Love & Rockets, Ash played guitar in the gothic rock band -- the beautiful and dark -- Bauhaus. Edward plays the piano, by himself.
8). Ash ran with the most terrifying vampire of all time, Peter Murphy, who actually flaps like a bat on stage. Edward hangs out with his family, and they don't even drink human blood.
7). When Murphy and Ash were in Bauhaus, they looked like creatures of the night. They are skin and bones here, and vampires should be skin and bones. Vampires aren't "alive," and their only nourishment is blood. We get why Hollywood makes vampires muscular and hunky because no one can look that hot that skinny. Except for the fine men of Bauhaus.
6). Ash's hair is way more stylish than Edward Cullen's stick-up 'do. Watch a few seconds of this video just to see how it magnificently moves.
5). Did you also note the long leather trench that Ash was wearing in that video? And, in the first video, Ash wore a kick-ass pilotesque jacket. Edward Cullen is a Banana Republic type.
4). Ash rides motorcycles -- not a family Volvo, which Edward drives.
3). Ash's voice is seducing and ashy (too appropriate). Edward's voice sounds like a squealing pig in comparison. Just watch the movies.
2). Ash once said that he doesn't believe in guitar solos because they're egotistical. And Edward Cullen has a personality disorder: He can't even leave his girlfriend alone for a second and flips out when she just talks to a boy (or wolf).
1). Who even wants to have sex with a 17-year-old boy? Edward is forever 17, and a man's body is simply not at its peak then. Ash may be 54, but we're willing to bet...
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