Billy Corgan Never Smashed a Pumpkin, but Pal Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Has

​Billy Corgan cements his foot into the grave as yet another music legend succumbs to the growing number of aging musicians who make mockeries of their careers. Brace yourself, because your palm is about to smash into your face.

A new video has surfaced featuring Billy "Leader of the Smashing Pumpkins" Corgan. He's sitting in what looks like a recording studio, which is a horrifying sight considering that this may imply that Corgan is planning to release yet another Frankenstein's Pumpkins record, titled Oceania.

Apparently Corgan has become something of a tight bro to former NBA center Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. So tight, in fact, that he has absolutely no problem with endorsing Abdul-Jabbar's new T-shirt line and documentary.




Save your exasperation, because it only gets better.

Billy Corgan goes on to make a really funny joke about having never smashed a pumpkin. He doesn't even like pumpkin pie! He does, however, like to see old men slamma jamma with the enthusiasm of a flaccid penis. We see Abdul-Jabbar speed-walk to the hoop, wielding a pygmy-sized pumpkin, smaller than a basketball. He lets out a mighty grunt and tosses the softball-sized fruit in, leading us to a tight shot of it breaking apart, much like how my heart breaks apart upon seeing this, having just listened to Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness.

Billy Corgan has done more than his fair share of endorsements in the past.

Aside from basketball, he's also an avid fan of professional wrestling. So much that he shot this promotional video:



He also really loves to race affordable, midsized cars:




Way to go, Billy! You're a real man of action! You've done well to deconstruct that outdated image of yourself from the '90s: a moody, angst-ridden portrait of the aloof.

Also, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar wants to take care of you:



Much like how he likes to take care of his friend, Little Knothead:

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