For the Weiner in Us All: 11 Odes Honoring Men's Junk
|It's not polite to stare, but songs are appreciated.|
Obama isn't the only one urging the man who was named one of Cosmopolitan Magazine's Real-Life Bachelors in 1996 to resign from his position and quietly retreat into his marriage in which his preggo wife is surely none-too-happy. Everyone from the Democrats to the Republicans wants this man out of their house.
But why must we all hate on a man who only wanted to proudly display the gift God gave him? Plenty of men do it daily. Hell, there's even a word for it -- sexting!
Musicians had the right idea when they started writing odes to their soldiers. Those male play things get jerked around, poked, prodded, and even cuddled with. So why not write about their pussy pilots and set it to music? Here are the 11 best songs we could find about penises.
11. Yelawolf - Box Chevy
This one is the least obvious of the 11 songs we have here. At first, it sounds like a carefully planned and clever rap right on Slim Shady's level, and it is all that. But then, if you listen to the lyrics, you hear: "But I can't cuz i gotta pretty blond thing sittin to my right dats/blowin' me now."
That's right. He's singing about blowjobs.
10. Lady Gaga - Love Game
Lady Gaga has been honest about her inspiration behind this song: a man's disco stick, if you will. In an interview with Rolling Stone, she told the reporter:
"It's another of my very thoughtful metaphors for a cock. I was at a nightclub, and I had quite a sexual crush on somebody, and I said to them, 'I wanna ride on your disco stick.'"We appreciate honesty.
9. Chuck Berry - My Ding-a-Ling
The title alone alerted us to the fact that Mr. Berry was referring to his wang, but the song itself is clever. It basically uses a child's toy as a reference.
8. AC/DC - Big Balls
AC/DC doesn't hold back with these lyrics. They've got big balls. They have the biggest balls of all. And the fact that they're singing it with such a lewd inflection, much like Mike Meyers as Austin Powers, makes it even more uncomfortable.
7. Katy Perry - Peacock
We wonder whether she ever sings this to Russell Brand while slowly taking off her nerdy attire. All she needs is a larger version of Lady Gaga's disco stick for a stripper pole and she'd be set for a sex circus.