Nutella Theft: What Would You Do With Five Metric Tons?

640px-Nutella_ak Wikicommons A. Kniesel.jpg
Wikicommons/A. Kniesel
Oh, the humanity!
In perhaps the single greatest outrage since the Canadian Maple Syrup Thefts of 2012 (let us all pause for a moment of silence over our dry pancakes) the Associated Press is reporting that in Germany thieves have made off with about five metric tons of Nutella.

Yes, they have now come for your back-up breakfast spread.

From the Associated Press:

BERLIN -- These thieves might really have sticky fingers. Police said Monday an unknown number of culprits made off with 5 metric tons (5.5 tons) of Nutella chocolate-hazelnut spread from a parked trailer in the central German town of Bad Hersfeld over the weekend. The gooey loot is worth an estimated 16,000 euros ($20,710). Germans news agency dpa reported that thieves have previously stolen a load of energy drinks from the same location.

Clearly, they needed the energy drinks to fuel their Nutella heist.

Hopefully, the theives will be captured after they check into local hospitals suffering from energy drink induced heart palpitations and/or diabetic seizures.

Luckily, the chocolate-hazelnut spread here on our shores is still safe. And, if after reading about this sweet perfidy, you find yourself jonesing for some, here are some local establishments that will slather it on for you while you daydream about what you would do with five metric tons of Nutella.

Location Info


1050 Gateway Blvd., Boynton Beach, FL

Category: Restaurant

Sugar Yummy Mama

, Broward / Palm Beach, FL

Category: Restaurant

Crepes by the Sea

145 NE 4th Ave, Delray Beach, FL

Category: Restaurant

Osteria Acqua & Farina

1145 S. Federal Highway, Fort Lauderdale, FL

Category: Restaurant

Mambo Italiano's

308 Clematis St., West Palm Beach, FL

Category: Restaurant

Via Luna

1 N. Fort Lauderdale Beach Blvd., Fort Lauderdale, FL

Category: Restaurant

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How does a puny $20,000 heist (about the cost of a single auto) in Germany make world news? On the heels of reports of university students stealing the product from cafeterias (also weirdly overblown in the media), something tells me that this Italian company is engaging in viral media -- the idea being that it is so great people are stealing it. Would the Italians file false police reports in Germany? Something to consider, especially if this sort of viral marketing continues next month. Note to Nutella marketing (outsourced) staff: be more creative, this isn't going to work, we are onto you.

PS -- And why do all the reports actually have pictures of the Nutella jars, just like an ad? Do they think we are naive? It is awfully blatant. Also, why all the recommends for a simple article with no real content? The same marketers sitting around clicking the recommend buttons. How ridiculous. I hope  you get tendonitis for your BS efforts.


@frankkarlburns Gee, thanks - we all already have tendonitis though. Honestly, we just really like eating Nutella and we know lots of other people like eating Nutella so we thought it would be a fun bit of news to share. That's about as diabolical as we get at Clean Plate Charlie. If Nutella is trying out viral marketing, than I guess you're just more savvy than we are.  Or, more jaded.

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